Posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 21:12:16
In reply to Lott: a few questions, posted by Joslynn on July 28, 2005, at 15:14:37
Ay yi yi. I do talk about self-disclosure a lot in the book (not all in one place, though) and I think it's very very tricky. I talked to a zillion therapists about it and some did make the argument about using themselves as an example or building rapport or revealing their own weaknesses, etc., etc. and maybe sometimes that's true and it does work out that way. Too often though I think the result is to make the client feel "special" or feel that he or she has to "take care" of the therapist or to censor what is said in light of the therapist's circumstances. The potential for such information to be "seductive" or feel seductive seems very high. If it makes the client feel a certain way, the client should trust that gut reaction. It doesn't really matter what the therapist intended -- what matters is the result and that's something clients need to share forthrightly and immediately. I don't think it's EVER appropriate for a therapist to talk about his or her own romantic relationships, marital problems, etc. What is the client supposed to do with such information? I think a therapist should think long and hard about his or her own motivations for sharing such stories. Too often material is shared impulsively or because the therapist is holed up all day with clients and has nobody to talk to about his or her issues. Or because the normal social convention is back-and-forth. And I also think the responsible clinician will ask the client how he or she feels about what was disclosed and check to see how it's being taken before spilling his or her guts. GOOD FOR YOU drawing the boundary and letting the therapist know that his disclosure was making you feel special and feeding feelings that shouldn't have been fed. BRAVO! Many women can't do this or can't see clearly what's going on or want so so very much to be special that they allow the disclosures to continue. Often those disclosures become more and more intimate, and pretty soon, the question becomes who's the therapist here??? I think a therapist should tell a client enough so that you know that he or she is human and not a god, but not so much that the particulars of his or her humanity get in the way of your therapy. I guess I'm kind of a "hardliner" on this question because I've seen therapies go "south" so many times from therapists' careless self-disclosures.
> How much, if any, do you feel it's appropriate for a therapist to disclose about his or her personal life to a patient? Especially when it's male to female or female to male? Is it appropriate for the T to share about marital conflicts in his or her own life, kid problems, etc. There seem to be different theories on what self-disclosure is appropriate and what isn't.
>
> I personally had to come out and set a boundary with a former male T on this, because it made me feel special in a way I really wasn't and fed a transference, but I know some may say the T was trying to make a point of some sort. It worked out in the end and the person respected what I was saying about not disclosing that stuff anymore, but I am curious about your view on therapist self-disclosure.
>
> Thank you!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
poster:deborah anne lott
thread:534691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535059.html