Posted by B2chica on July 25, 2005, at 10:46:03
...gives a freedom i didn't have before.
i DID IT!
ok, friday was better after session. after talking even more about what's happened to me. i decided now that i have a little of my head wrapped slightly around what's happened i thought it;s time to tell my hubby. Now i will NEVER talk about what happened when i was little but decided to tell him about the rape and SA when i was 16. I asked my T if i could borrow something from his office to hold with me when i told.(he said absolutely :)
anyway, first i was going to tell friday but chickened out, decided i should tell sunday that way i have T appt monday, only one day of awkwardness.
HOWEVER, saturday my hubby saw my new cuts on my leg and freaked out again. i started to get some suicidal thoughts and related them to the stress of needing to tell my hubby. later that night he went outside to sit and have a beer, i joined (but no beer) i held tightly onto that object and asked if he wanted to know what's been hurting me. he said YES, YES just tell me.
i said it very straitforward. not detailed (not comfortable with that), but he didn't ask. he only asked a few questions, like did he know the guy, how old was i, stuff like that.
i feel Great that i Finally did that. and he understands a little more now.ok, after all the bad cr*p i've put on you guys i had to share my one little victory.
there's almost a release about saying it outloud to someone other than my T. i can say it, i admit it, it happened, there it is in all it's uglyness.i think my biggest fear of telling my husband is that he's an open book and we jokingly call him CNN cuz he tells everything to his family. i had to wait until i was ready for (at least) his mother to know, cuz it would never stay with just him. that's just not how he is.
anyway, i'm comfortable enough for Her to know but NOT, ABSOLUTELY NOT MY family and i layed the rules out.
i can only pray he respects that. i hope he will, since i even told him it's ok if he tells his mom just no one else.ok, there it is....my weekend.
-LOVE YOU GUYS
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:533210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/533210.html