Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 13:56:09
In reply to I am so angry and sad, posted by happyflower on July 24, 2005, at 9:54:49
Hi HF !!
Nice to see you back. I am sorry about what happened the other day with my thread.. (I will work out that later with you. But breifly, there are huge differences between our situations - I am an adult, and you were a child when the abuse happened.. I know my chances, the risks that I am taking, I can judge my husband, how far he would go, and I can go to other people or stay by myself in the worst case which was not the case with you. Any time I think my husband is becoming a real danger to me, I will leave him the next moment - ok?? I hope that puts your mind at ease a little bit.. I think he is a good person basically, and that he would get better with time and effort and there is still lot of hope for me - which was not the case with your mother.)
I read all your posts - I feel so bad for you, that you had to go through all that as a child. Childhood is for being innocent, and experience all the pleasant things in the world, and being loved unconditionally.. I am really sorry that was taken away from you so badly. I wish I could go back and get hold of your mother and put some sense into her, and make her understand what she is doing to you.. And I am also in awe of you and my regards for you is so huge that you turned it all around and made your life and your kids life such a beautiful thing. It really takes a lot of inhert goodness and worth in a person to be able to do that. And I really see that in you.You are never wrong in writing here anything ... You know I have written things here myself.. This board is one bunch of amazingly understanding and compassionate people - and there is never a No for anything. I hope you allow yourself to get all the support you will get here.
Of course you are sad and angry - who wouldn't be when they go through all this torture in childhood??
What your mother did - you didn't deserve. Any of it. What she did was out of her own psychological complications.. her own life being screwed up in some way by some one in her lift.. and it has nothing to do with you. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, so to speak. And your mother would probably have been better, if she could have had some counselling or some emotional support and was able to work through HER problems with some one. In all likelihood, she didn't know or understand enough to seek help. And she took it out all on you, you being the helpless little thing in her hands.. But you are not the one to blame.. You were just a helpless and little child. And she, if she was a little bit of a decent human beign, would have understood that.. But she didn't. Which says a lot about her poor character. And you are right to break away from her and not let her interfere in your life anymore.
I hope that you can work through it with the help of your T and support here in babble, and that you will one day completely heal from the pain and sadness, and that you will come to understand that what happened was the outcome of a mentally sick individual trying to cope up with the world in the way she knew, and that she is just one out of a billion people, and that the world is not that way for the most part. And that you will receive plenty of warmth and support and love all that you deserve for being such a wonderful person that you are from others.
poster:pinkeye
thread:532294
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/532748.html