Posted by Tamar on July 8, 2005, at 19:38:26
In reply to I Feel Like a Slut, posted by Anon2005 on July 8, 2005, at 16:08:15
> Now that I'm down to 1 AD instead of 2, I have been feeling really crappy. Recently my doc finally agreed with me that my meds were making me hypomanic and causing me to act out in ways I never would do. The therapist I had before I started seeing my doc knew of my actions and never said anything about it. It's been a couple of years.
Can you see your doctor again? It’s no fun being hypomanic, but it’s also no fun feeling really crappy. Maybe different meds would help.
> I feel horribly about the number of men I've slept with (15) and I know I wouldn't have slept with so many if I hadn't been acting out. I waited until I was 20 and in love to lose my virginity. I feel disgusting and like a pariah in comparison to my friends.
Well, 15 men isn’t all that many. It’s about average, actually. So maybe your friends are under-reporting their sexual experience (like many women), or maybe you just happen to be friends with people who have a lower-than-average number of partners.
> My doc still doesn't diagnose me as BPD even though she agrees I exhibit a number of symptoms and could benefit from DBT. I know that sexual impulsivity is part of BPD as well.
It can be part of hypomania too, as far as I know. And there are all sorts of other possible reasons.
> I just feel unloved and have given myself to these men and the only one of them who loved me physically abused me.
See, there’s another of the possible reasons. A history of physical or sexual abuse is quite common in women who act out sexually. And I worry when you say that the one who ‘loved’ you abused you. That doesn’t sound like love to me.
It sounds to me as if you’re being quite hard on yourself. I really don’t think the number of partners is what matters at the end of the day. What matters is that you find ways of expressing your sexual desires and needs that are healthy and comfortable for you. If your sexual encounters haven’t been fulfilling and healthy for you, then that’s a good reason to find different ways of expressing your sexuality. But I think the best thing would be to focus on how to experience your sexuality as a gift and a source of joy, rather than to worry about the appropriate number of partners.
I don’t think you’re a slut at all. Are you still seeing a therapist? Or are you doing therapy with your doctor? I imagine that therapy might help you with this.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:525037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/525160.html