Posted by Damos on July 4, 2005, at 17:59:39
In reply to Re: sigh » fallsfall, posted by alexandra_k on July 4, 2005, at 17:11:12
Hi Alex,
Sorry yesterday didn't go so well. A bad session wasn't what you needed right now.
Sounds like there could be a number of things going on here, none of which will be easy for either of you to surface and work through.
On here side; there is no doubt she is under added pressure at the moment because of the time of year. She is probably also experiencing some self doubt about her ability to help you and the 'launching in to the critique' may have been a defensive reaction to doubting her own competence. You may well be right that she is also experiencing pressure from the uni about seeing you too much and this is conflicting with her seemingly (from past posts) strong desire to try and help you. And based on your previous discussions about needing to navigate around the hard stuff to enable you to get things done, this also is a problem for her knowing that x happened and you said you feel sh*t doesn't tell her that yep this hurts and is hard but needs to be talked about now, or it hurts and is hard but I'm okay with it at the moment and I can't afford to go back there right now.
On your side there are a bunch of bad T and p-doc experiences and your self beliefs related to those experiences. There's also your intelligence and knowledge of the subject. There's your sensitivity to when things 'just aint right'. The things you just can't talk about because you need to keep functioning and get stuff done. There's your doubts about her ability to help you. Your feelings about hurting her feelings. Your feeling about if not her then what. And probably a whole bunch else besides.
Imagine that the two of you are standing on one side of a minefield and you both need to get to the other side. You can't just charge in and hope to make it across, cause the chances are one or both of you will be hurt. You need a means for detecting them and a plan to find them and flag them because there may be times when you need to retrace your steps. Working well together doesn't just happen (in most cases) it's a process. The accepted phases of team development for example are Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing and Mourning. Storming is normal and necessary. It's the getting all the stuff out in the open phase. You can't work out how to work together (Norming) or really begin to see consistent results (Performing) without it. Some teams never get out of it. You can be a team of 2.
Sorry, this has turned into a gibbering ramble so I'll shut up.
(((((Alex)))))
poster:Damos
thread:523150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/523436.html