Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 19:50:35
In reply to Re: confused, sad » happyflower, posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:57:29
> >> ((((Shrinking violet))))
>
> --Thank you for understanding that. Yes, it is very much like another sense. I've always been that way with people (never actually told anyone until now!), although this is one of the rare times I feel it when not in contact with the person in some way. If someone else told me that they were that way though and I wasn't, I'm not sure I'd believe it or understand. It's an odd thing.I totally believe in it. I sometimes can feel the presence of my grandma who died over 25 yrs. ago. And an old boyfriend, and this is the first I have ever admitted this. But I feel it with my T. ( I know everyone is saying, yeah, right) but it is true and it kinda freaks me out. I think he feels something too because there are just too many coincedences between us. He has even commented on we have a lot of things in common, past and present. It is a different connection, and I have only felt it with 3 people that I have known. I am afraid of telling my T this, because I don't want to scare him away or anything. But the feeling is there. Maybe some day I will tell him, but right now, I am too chicken to admit this to him.
> I sent her a card a few weeks ago, and last week I did write her a letter, updated her on some general things (my move, etc), and sent her some pictures of a swan and cows I took while on one of my walks when I lived at my apartment (the day after I sent the letter, I came across some rabbits on my walk, and wished I had waited one more day to send it so that I could have included a pic of the bunny too!). I told her that I feel like things are unsettled with us, that I wished we had talked about our relationship, etc, and I hope that someday we can have those discussions but I'm trying to accept that it might not happen. I haven't asked any questions in my letter to her; I don't think I could do that to her (I'd be too afraid she would think I was trying to manipulate a response). It's hard too, not knowing whether she wants to hear from me. I hate the idea of sending her things she'd rather not receive. And I wonder how much longer I'm going to write to her, knowing I'll never hear from her. It's too hard.
> I think writing to her was a nice thing. It will be up to her if she wants to respond. I hope she does. :)
I think when you are ready for a new T, you will know it.>
> >> --Thank you. Your first question is making me cry, becuase I started to remember the soft cuddly chair pillows my T has. I'd hold onto them during sessions and sometimes, during a break or a particularly hard time, she'd let me take one home and I'd keep it with me everywhere. I miss it a lot right now.
((((sv)))))) I am sorry to make you cry, I wouldn't of said that if I knew. :(
And I blame myself for what happened with my T, and I'm afraid of putting someone else through that.
You know maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that your T was being triggered by something in her past. I don't think it was your fault for that. She will need to work on these issues in order to become a stronger T because she will encounter more of these stories. I read somewhere that a lot of T's are surviors of abuse themselves. That why they have the compassion to help others. I am sure she didn't feel you did anything wrong, if anything she might feel bad, because she wanted to do better for you, but couldn't because of her past. Was she a fairly new T?
Please don't feel like you are a burden to us, and please post as much as you like. Together all of us Babblers can heal together and rule the world someday. I hope I didn't make you feel worse, if I did, I am truely sorry. Try to keep safe tonight.>
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poster:happyflower
thread:519474
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/520149.html