Posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 19:49:48
In reply to What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 23:10:35
happyflower, the cake & cupcakes sound YUMMY! I wish I could have one! :)
Without knowing your T, I really can't guess if he was or was not "testing" your reaction. But if YOU have a feeling he might have been, maybe it means something? You probably know how to read him pretty well by now!
I myself have done what you suggested your T might be doing. Once I was given a gift by a boy I didn't feel attracted to, in college. He was smart and nice and thoughtful. He baked me an apple strudel by hand just because I had once mentioned that i liked strudel.
I was blase about it. "Oh, uh....thanks," I said faintly (what a b***ch I was! I wince thinking of it now.) "This looks...uh...tasty." I was careful to toss it into my bag instead of carefully packing it. His face fell.
Later he asked me how I'd liked it. "I gave it to my dad, and he thought it was good," I said, not making eye contact. "I actually didn't eat any myself! On a diet, you know."
In fact I had tried some and it was ok, if a bit dry.
I was so mean. I didn't need to be that mean. I could have let him down in a much kinder fashion. Today I feel that some of my disappointments in life are a karmic revenge for my actions back then! I wish I could go back and have a 'redo' for that situation!
So in a roundabout way I guess I am saying that YES, it CAN happen that someone deliberately undervalues a gift to make a point or to test a reaction.
Obviously your T would not have been trying to drive you away, though. And I think a T would be direct enough to say something like "I appreciate the gift, but let's discuss if it meant more to you than to me," or "I enjoyed the cupcakes but I want to make sure that you don't attach undue significance to giving me gifts" or something along those lines.
So I'd HOPE that your T was just being human and honest with you.
What is your gut telling you?
JenStar
poster:Jen Star
thread:518438
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/518859.html