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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 23:10:35
I once gave my T a cupcake that I had leftover from this chocolate granche cake I made for my stepdaugher. It had a homemade chocolate on it too. Well he seemed touched by it, I told him it was my peace offering for him. Because I really put him on the spot in the session before. He didn't ask anything weird or not accept it, in fact he got such a appreciative look on his face that I have never seen before.
But he later told me a month later that he put it in the fridge and his wife and daughter ate it. This was after he gave me a charity bracelet that he works for for a even exchange . lol Then I told him that the chocolate was an experiment I was doing, (dark chocolate covered raspberries). I wanted to know if the seeds were too much crunch. I said I wanted to get his feedback!
Well he said when he put it in his briefcase if got smushed.
Now here is the question for you guys. When he told me he didn't eat it, and it got squashed in his briefcase do you think he was seeing if it bothered me? It really didn't bother me at all. He said that they said it was good. But could he have been testing me on what the gift meant to me to give it to him? I really didn't mean much, I was just trying to be nice, and I didn't want them laying around the house for me to eat! What do you think? Or am I am just thinking too much? lol
Posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 23:23:35
In reply to What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 23:10:35
If I had to guess I think he was really touched by the gesture, that the fact that you thought to do that meant more than the actual cupcake. I don't think he was trying to elicit a reaction...but of course I could be mistaken
-sleepygirl loves cupcakes, please send through internet, no raspberries-seeds clog wires
Thanks
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 23:41:49
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 23:23:35
Okay did you get it without it being smushed? lol
Okay, one vote for no seeds! I guess i should puree them first, but I don't know if that would work, because they would turn to juice. Oh well, maybe I should stick to the cherries. :)
Posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 23:45:48
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 23:23:35
I don't think he was looking for anything - he was just telling you what happened to your cupcake, that he was being a person, not a shrink.
ShortE
Posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 19:49:48
In reply to What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 23:10:35
happyflower, the cake & cupcakes sound YUMMY! I wish I could have one! :)
Without knowing your T, I really can't guess if he was or was not "testing" your reaction. But if YOU have a feeling he might have been, maybe it means something? You probably know how to read him pretty well by now!
I myself have done what you suggested your T might be doing. Once I was given a gift by a boy I didn't feel attracted to, in college. He was smart and nice and thoughtful. He baked me an apple strudel by hand just because I had once mentioned that i liked strudel.
I was blase about it. "Oh, uh....thanks," I said faintly (what a b***ch I was! I wince thinking of it now.) "This looks...uh...tasty." I was careful to toss it into my bag instead of carefully packing it. His face fell.
Later he asked me how I'd liked it. "I gave it to my dad, and he thought it was good," I said, not making eye contact. "I actually didn't eat any myself! On a diet, you know."
In fact I had tried some and it was ok, if a bit dry.
I was so mean. I didn't need to be that mean. I could have let him down in a much kinder fashion. Today I feel that some of my disappointments in life are a karmic revenge for my actions back then! I wish I could go back and have a 'redo' for that situation!
So in a roundabout way I guess I am saying that YES, it CAN happen that someone deliberately undervalues a gift to make a point or to test a reaction.
Obviously your T would not have been trying to drive you away, though. And I think a T would be direct enough to say something like "I appreciate the gift, but let's discuss if it meant more to you than to me," or "I enjoyed the cupcakes but I want to make sure that you don't attach undue significance to giving me gifts" or something along those lines.
So I'd HOPE that your T was just being human and honest with you.
What is your gut telling you?
JenStar
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 25, 2005, at 23:14:04
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T? » happyflower, posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 19:49:48
I'm sure that he wasn't just testing you--unless he's a bad T! We've all done stuff like that at some point in our lives, but T's are
(at least in theory) supposed to be aware of their own stuff and not just act on that. And I think it would be unethical to deliberately lie to you to test you, unless he were to confess to it later in the session.And I agree with the person who said that it sounded like he was truly touched by the gesture. You are a sweetie!!
EE
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 15:03:46
In reply to What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 23:10:35
The very fact that you still remember it after a month, and you are trying analyze it says to me that it means more to you than you acknowledge.
And I do think, his saying that he didn't eat it and his wife and kid ate it and said it was good, somehow means he wanted to indicate to you that he is not encouraging your trying to be more affectionate towards him and wanted to kind of keep you in perspective.
Otherwise, he would have just said "yeah, it was good and I enjoyed it". I think he somehow wants you to understand that he doesn't want you to take him for more than what he is.
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 19:40:16
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T? » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 15:03:46
> The very fact that you still remember it after a month, and you are trying analyze it says to me that it means more to you than you acknowledge.
>Actually he brought up the cupcake a month later. When I gave it to him he said thankyou and seemed to really appreciate it. A month later he asked me if I wanted one of his charity braclets that he volunteers for . He said it was in exchange for the cupcake I brought him. Then thats when he told me all of that. I actually forgot all about it. lol
> And I do think, his saying that he didn't eat it and his wife and kid ate it and said it was good, somehow means he wanted to indicate to you that he is not encouraging your trying to be more affectionate towards him and wanted to kind of keep you in perspective.
>
> Otherwise, he would have just said "yeah, it was good and I enjoyed it". I think he somehow wants you to understand that he doesn't want you to take him for more than what he is.This could all be true, I really don't know, it doesn't even matter too much to me. I just wanted to know what your take was on it. It reminded me of someones elses post( i think ladybug) about giving their T a picture that she took of her T. And then she later told her that she can't accept gifts. Thats why it reminded me of this. :)
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:02:21
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 19:40:16
ok. then it is no big deal for you then. but it does seem little bad of him to mention to you that he didn't eat it. doesn't sound like a polite thing to say.
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:07:39
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T? » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:02:21
> ok. then it is no big deal for you then. but it does seem little bad of him to mention to you that he didn't eat it. doesn't sound like a polite thing to say.
Well he did say that he went looking for it in the fridge, and it was gone! So maybe he would have eaten it if it was there. I am just wondering if I shouldn't of given him the cupcake, I didn't know that you shouldn't give presents to your T. But he didn't say that I did anything wrong, so I didn't think anything about it until I read post about gift giving. I am just overthinking as usual. ( I want to be a good client) lol
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 27, 2005, at 15:57:48
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:07:39
I am just wondering if I shouldn't of given him the cupcake, I didn't know that you shouldn't give presents to your T. But he didn't say that I did anything wrong, so I didn't think anything about it until I read post about gift giving.
It isn't a hard and fast rule that you can't give gifts to your T. It depends on the T's own personal rules. It is unethical for T's to accept expensive gifts, but some will accept small gifts. Don't worry you were being a good client! :)
EE
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 16:16:35
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T? » happyflower, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 27, 2005, at 15:57:48
> Don't worry you were being a good client! :)
Thanks EE ( you know those are my stepdaughters names!)
I feel better now that I am still a good client! lol :)
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 16:33:35
In reply to Re: What is the thing about not giving gift to your T?, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 16:16:35
This is the end of the thread.
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