Posted by annierose on May 25, 2005, at 17:51:02
In reply to I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:26:34
Pinkeye -
Please don't make hasty decisions. I have several thoughts right now, so bare with me.
I think your relationshiop with your ex-t should be not be dismissed. Consider continuing working with your current T (if you like him or her). I think in the long run, it would be valuable. Therapy is a long process. This is my 2nd go-around, and the first time, I was with her for close to 5 years. Be patient with the process. Please. I feel pain through your posts and I just want to hug you and let you know that you can do this. It is worth the fight.
Secondly, you mentioned that you kept asking if your T liked you, and now you know it's all transferance. Pinkeye - your T probably does like you. Just because he was your T, it doesn't mean he didn't have feelings (appropriate ones) for his clients. Think of school teachers: they have a classroom of children every year that they think very highly of. They don't necessarily want to take these kids home and be their parents, but while in his/her care, teachers tend to their needs. And often times, outside of school, the teacher may think of a child if they come across someone or something that reminds them of him/her. I use this analogy because I have several friends that are school teachers, most with their own children. And sometimes they go on and on about their school children and I have to ask, "and what about your own children?".
Professionals do care. It's not a 100% reciprocal relationship, but I don't feel it's 100 vs 0% either. I receive so much from my T. She gives me her undivided attention, her thoughts, her support, her caring, her time ... and I try to soak it all up. There is a give and take, on both sides.
How often do you meet with your current T? You have such great access to your emotions, I think you would enjoy going more often, if it was a possiblity.
You are not stupid. You are wise and have lots of questions that you should address. Pretending they don't exist does not make them go away. Your brain remembers, and this stuff comes up again and again in different ways. One thing I have learned about therapy the first time and now, she (my T) was right. The pain is always there. It may be hidden, but it does surface in others areas of your life if not dealt with.
Re: transferance. I am female and my T is female. Of course I have transferance issues with her. Would they be worse if I saw a male? I don't know. But caring is a non-gender issue. I feel very close to her. Transferance happens. And it's up to your T to help you deal with those feelings.
I wish we could meet you in Chicago. You are such a kind hearted person. Don't beat yourself up. Please. And post often.
Annierose
poster:annierose
thread:502748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502851.html