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Re: Do any of you block your T or ex T out? » Tamar

Posted by pinkeye on May 15, 2005, at 17:34:46

In reply to Re: Do any of you block your T or ex T out? » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 15, 2005, at 17:16:14

Tamar, I think what you have said is extremely important to me. I never allow myself to feel anger - I just realized it. Because I am afraid.
And I think I bottle it all in. Maybe if I did what you have suggested, maybe I would have gotten it out, and maybe the real feelings would have still remained. I remember I blocked lot of stuff from my childhood, and even pretty much in adult hood. If it hurts me, I kind of block it out - not fully perhaps, but a good exten, and I think that is perhaps why it takes a long long time for me to make peace with anything.

> I know what you mean about spoiling the good feelings with anger. But very often anger is a normal part of grief. Often bereaved people feel angry at the person who died - because the dead person has gone away and it feels like abandonment. It isn't wrong to feel anger, even if the person hasn't actually intended to hurt you.
>
> But if you allow yourself to be angry you will come through those feelings and begin to accept the loss. And the feelings of love come back after anger. The anger doesn't destroy the love.
>
> Your ex-T sounds like a great person. No wonder you still miss him. And no wonder you feel hurt at losing him. It's OK, though, to feel angry sometimes. And the good memories will still be there afterwards.

He is a very nice person. I think he is a little bit like my father - little angry, and less emotional, and very non religious, and wanting to do good for the society but not having too much of a clue how to really do good. But I feel if he becomes slightly more religious, and soft, and more emotionally aware, then he will really shine - I so desperately want him not to end up like my father. I really feel like sending him a mail one day, pointing out some of the mistakes that I thought he was making. But I think it is perhaps my projection.


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