Posted by littleone on May 2, 2005, at 21:32:22
In reply to Re: long answer to your short question » littleone, posted by mair on April 28, 2005, at 16:35:26
Thanks so much for that Mair. It was very helpful.
> In fact when she asked me why it was so important for me to talk to her about my suicidal thinking even if I wasn't really at risk, I couldn't come up with the most basic answer which is that it would decrease my degree of isolation.
Oh, I wouldn't have come up with that either. I know it theoretically, but I have a hard time applying the theory to myself. Feeling less alone is so important.
> Before I slipped into this current episode, my therapist and I had been working pretty hard at some issues which have been tough for me. It was difficult and occasionally traumatic, but I felt pretty good about it because I felt that I was stretching myself and maybe actually making some progress. Thus it was doubly upsetting to have to abandon those topics - and we really did have to abandon them because I couldn't begin to sustain the calm or attention to really work on them.
This was really interesting Mair. Sometimes I will get really down for a few weeks. And I don't just mean glum. I mean I spiral down very badly and would certainly qualify for a depression diagnosis.
But now when it happens, my T will look back through his notes and try to pinpoint exactly when I turned downwards and we'll try to figure out what has triggered it.
Each time we've done this, I've really gotten a good insight into something and it's really been like the skies miraculously clear and the sun is shining again. It blows me away at how quickly things improve then.
I realise that you are struggling with a longer term and different type of depression, but it's something to keep in mind. I too have had a long term depression and I personnally find it impossible to feel the difference.
> and I must have told her several times today that I was really glad she was back. Also I jumped at her offer to see me tomorrow. This is just so unusual for me - to feel so acutely that I need her and be able to express that need even in a limited way.
> I don't really know what it means.
Does it means your attachment has built? That you have a level of dependancy with her? (Which is a good thing my T tells me). I'm glad she's back :)
> Thanks for asking - I'm sure this is a much longer answer than you were looking for.
No, no, it was perfect Mair. Thanks so much for expanding.
Sorry for hijacking your thread gg. I have been reading along and thinking of you. I just find it hard to reply to you. I don't understand it yet, but I do know that it is my own issues surfacing. I am sending you warm thoughts though.