Posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 7:49:06
In reply to Re: update » Susan47, posted by damos on April 14, 2005, at 22:27:19
yes, Damos and Susan47- I very much realize this.
Once the lease termination meeting occurs on Tuesday at 4:30 in the afternoon, I will have my first clue how this will begin to go on...
I told the landlord that he strangled me during an argument and that I was afraid of him therefore we had to break the lease. I told my SO that I told the landlord that he had hurt me physically during an argument (I'm not sure if I told SO that I mentioned the actual strangling part...it's not that I'm trying to lie- I just simply can't remember).
If this assault is referred to in any way during the meeting, my SO's reaction may be the telling factor. Whether during the meeting or in conversations after the meeting, he will give himself away if he is still in denial and has just been "talking the talk". THEN, if he is still honest (with himself and me) and regretful, I will tell him that I expect BOTH of us to enroll in some kind of anger management class/therapy separately before we can even begin to think about trying to work things out. He must fix these behaviors before anything else can happen between "us". Not just talk about it.
As this is something of a personal attack, though true (you are not perfect- you must do "blank" before we can do "blank"), I am very afraid of this conversation. It is a sort of confrontation- which you both know I am afraid of. He may negate the need for such a conversation based on how he may react to the lease termination meeting, anyway.
Chances are he will break my heart all over again by refusing to do these things... But it doesn't matter- I won't be trying again after this one...
I still truly believe in my heart that he is a good person deep inside- behind the pain and depression of loss (lifestyle, friends, house- everything he gave up to come halfway across the country for me). If he would try to work through his actual feelings instead of burying them under coke or alcohol (part of that lifestyle that he had given up- but not even the good part, he admits), there may be a shot for us.
But he's 36 and may be unwilling to allow someone else to teach him to change (a T, a group leader, whatever). And I'm 37 and if I'm still wrong about what kind of person he is inside (strong enough and willing to work through these things), then I have learned nothing in 20 yrs and probably am just incapable of learning anything at this point.
I am attempting to be optimistic, but must be realistic.
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:480695
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/484559.html