Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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i don't belong....(careful, possible *t*)

Posted by shrinking violet on April 9, 2005, at 12:49:05

...anywhere. I don't belong in the world at all, as if it's cosmically *wrong* for me to exist.

And I'm tired. I'm tired of being conscious. I just want to sleep all the time. But the problem with sleep is that, invariably, I wake up. I don't want to wake up.

I don't understand the Point of Life. Is there one? Why do we go to sleep, get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, etc, day after day after day? And then one day BAM something happens to wipe it all away. I don't understand why I'm supposed to "enjoy life." What does that mean? Or maybe I'm just meant to live in pain.

I've felt this way all of my life, at various times and at various intensities. During the past couple of years with my T, I've fought strong urges to "end it all" because I knew she would be held responsible. Now, though, in another week or two, that won't be an issue. And I'll have to face losing the one person who showed me any sort of respect or caring, and live with the guilt of treating her so horribly.....

I don't know if I can go on after that.
I'm tired...
...and I want to be done.

I'm sorry this is so depressing. I hope I didn't upset anyone. Please delete or move this post if it is at all inappropriate...





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