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Re: I don't know where else to post this, so..... Larry Hoover

Posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2005, at 21:07:05

In reply to I don't know where else to post this, so....., posted by Larry Hoover on April 4, 2005, at 19:53:21

It is called "transference". Now Transference is NOT a dirty word to me. It is very helpful. It just means that you are feeling in the present the feelings that you have had in the past towards something else.

I can tell when I'm experiencing transference because the feelings are out of proportion (in magnitude) to the events. When I find myself freaking out over something that I *know* isn't such a big deal, I know it is transference. Someone once explained to me that when we are little, our emotions are so big - and when we are in transference, our emotions are again big in relation to our size. I have no idea if this is accurate, but it is a helpful picture for me.

The other thing is that it is VERY hard to get away from those feelings - CBT doesn't work, because they aren't logical feelings. It is like they take over and control me.

So what to do? It helps me to recognize these "old" feelings. Once I've recognized them as "old", I can be more patient with the situation (note that I said "more patient" - this is really hard to do). My therapist asks if I have felt like this at other times, and we talk about other times that remind me of this time. Somehow, between realizing that the magnitude of the emotion is unreasonable, and maybe understanding the old situations more rationally, I can start to see that this situation *isn't* the same as the old one, and the emotions start to let go. This can take a number of sessions - even after I've figured out that it is transference.

I think this is called "working through".

The intensity and mandate of the emotions make them very hard to tolerate. But if you can find a way to work through them, I do believe that eventually they stop ruling you.

Transference isn't just for therapists...

 

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