Posted by shrinking violet on March 24, 2005, at 19:19:34
In reply to Re: so much pain, posted by annierose on March 23, 2005, at 17:26:36
Thank you for your thoughts, Annierose and Susan. Since you both responded in a similar way, I thought I'd group my response to both of you here. I hope that's all right.
I do feel sort of silly now, at my reaction, but still scared underneath it all. I saw my nutritionist today, who works on campus with my T and they know each other very well. I sobbed in her office. She asked me what happened. Since they know each other, I was somewhat reluctant telling my N about what happened with my T, but I gave her a short version. My N asked if I had another appt with my T. I said no. She asked why not. I told her my T probably doesn't want to see me, b/c I haven't heard from her. My N said, didn't my T have an issue with my sending emails like the one I sent, preferring to talk about stuff in session (true, although my T would repeatedly give and take away the email priveleges...I think she was torn since it is the only way I allow myself to communicate with her). She said I should call and make an appt to see my T. I told my N that my T probably wouldn't want to see me, that she probably hates me by now. My N spent a number of minutes trying to reassure me, telling me that my T cares about me very deeply, even if I may do or say something to upset her it doesn't mean she hates me, and she's probably waiting for me to see her (and my N tried to convince me that she doesn't hate me either). My N said I should try to stop assuming I know what others are thinking and wanting.
But then I think, how does SHE know my T DOES want to see me? So, I don't know.....but maybe she's right? Maybe my T doesn't want to get into a whole email back and forth thing. And I wouldn't blame her, but.....I would have expected *something* from her given all I revealed to her last week in that email. Even a one-line note asking me to come in to talk about it. So, I'm not sure what to do. Maybe my T doesn't know what to do either....?
So, I think if I don't hear from her tomorrow (chances are I won't), I may call the center on Monday and reschedule for next Friday, and tell the secretary to tell my T to let me know if there's a problem with that. My T doesn't work on Mondays so I won't have to worry about being transferred to her on the phone or anything. I guess that's the best thing to do, right? And then she'll let me know if she doesn't want to see me? Hm, and to think, before I saw my N today I was prepared to resign from my T on Monday......
....Oh, life is grand. :-/
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support here, and I apologize for all the "drama."
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:472171
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/475146.html