Posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 16:32:52
In reply to Re: :-) » alexandra_k, posted by pinkeye on March 8, 2005, at 14:27:41
> I think whichever CBT therapist that you went to, didn't do the job right.
I think they did it fairly much by the book...
> My CBT therapist both ex and the current one, completely accepted me. Accepted my feelings, but at the same time acknowledging that changing for the better would be a good thing.Then they transcended their theory.
There isn't really anything on acceptance in CBT.
Not until Linehan emphasised it.
There is a little more stuff on it now.> Acceptance does not mean you are perfect the way you are.
I think you are perfect just the way you are. Yes YOU dear reader. All of us are.
>It just means you see a person for what he or she really is, and you don't reject the person as invalid or unworthy.
What does it mean to see someone the way they 'really are'? I think that we are all perfect just the way that we are. Right now, in this very instant YOU ARE PERFECT. PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE PERFECTLY LOVABLE PERFECTLY WORTHY.
>It means, that recognizing that the person has lived several years of life, and has gone through lots of things in life, and has evolved into a person in the way which he/she knew how best to be
Absolutely. Given your genes and experiences you could not be otherwise than what you are now.
>with the limited knowledge and tools available.
Yes. We will never know everything nor will we ever have everything. But we can have more experiences and learn more skills. Always.
> Cognitive restrcuting does not mean it is invalidating of your thoughts and thought patterns. It just means, you need to learn a little bit more. Like, you might be a basically a very smart person, but when you get hired for a particular job, then you need specialized training for that job right? Like that, we might be basically smart and intelligent, but there might be some techniques which we didn't learn for effectively coping up with life's difficulties. CBT only attempts to teach you that. It does not say what you are is invalid or you are crippled. When I went to my first therapist, I was pretty smart and intelligent and I thoguht I had it all figured out in life. In fact, the first session, I asked him why I should tell him everything about my life.. I thought I knew everything I needed to know. But then I slowly changed - because he pointed out, that I was suffering so much and that brought me to his office. He asked me what other option do you have? And why are you here? And that struck me.
> And I did start out being quite defensive... I had an explanation for everything I did - for all the difficulties in my emotions.. but then he gradually removed all the defenses. Mostly he pointed out that I was being very defensive and that he couldn't help me if I was defensive, and I realized it almost immediately and changed.If you managed to get all that from it then that is terrific! Really. Well done. But some people are unable to take that from CBT. One persons cure brings out an allergic reaction in another...
> Especially since CBT is the only therapy that you can go to now with your public system.CBT is not an option for me either. None of the CBT therapists will work with me. All are in agreement that CBT is not helpful for me. I need something different.
First you need to understand that acceptance is intrinsically valuable (it is good in itself - it is its own end).
Then you can think about the balance of acceptance and change. About how acceptance facilitates change in a way that trying to make people change does not.
Someone is upset.
There are two options:
1) They can accept the situation.
2) They can try to change the situation.If the therapist pushes for change then the client may resist. The client may take the message that 'it is all my fault' or that 'I am unacceptable unless I change' or whatever. (Not that all do but that some do).
The therapist can continue to bash their head up against a wall. Get frustrated. Maybe take that out on the client. Cajole, manipulate, try to coax them into changing...
Or the therapist can switch strategies and work on getting the client to accept the situation as it is.
Sometimes that is what the client needs.
Other times the client realises that they do not want to accept it and then they want to change it. THEY want to change it, THEY see that they would prefer it to be different.
But no.
Some will insist on bashing.Change
Change
It is all about change.
That is why CBT is considered 'superior' to alternative therapies.
Because it slightly outperforms others with respect to change.
Change is the motto
Some people have a natural drive to change
They are probably well suited.
Other people need to be accepted
Well tough,
That is just not cost effective.I remember doing a mindfulness exercise with the DBT group. The skills trainers were recently converted CBT therapists. The exercise was to 'balance an egg on the table'.
People spent 5 minutes trying to stand it up on its end.
I put it on the table and looked at it.
My therapist asked me in the next session why I had refused to participate in the mindfulness exercise.
I said I didn't know what she meant.
She said I wasn't trying to balance my egg.
I told her I didn't need to try to balance my egg.
It was balanced already.They don't teach you that in CBT
And they weren't even willing to try to understand.
They would rather jump to conclusions about me.
And that is my experience with CBT
Over and over again
Good luck to them.
I have had enough.
But to be fair,
So have they.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:467966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/468339.html