Posted by pinkeye on March 8, 2005, at 14:27:41
In reply to Re: :-) » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on March 7, 2005, at 23:19:21
I think whichever CBT therapist that you went to, didn't do the job right.
My CBT therapist both ex and the current one, completely accepted me. Accepted my feelings, but at the same time acknowledging that changing for the better would be a good thing.
Acceptance does not mean you are perfect the way you are. It just means you see a person for what he or she really is, and you don't reject the person as invalid or unworthy. It means, that recognizing that the person has lived several years of life, and has gone through lots of things in life, and has evolved into a person in the way which he/she knew how best to be - with the limited knowledge and tools available.
Cognitive restrcuting does not mean it is invalidating of your thoughts and thought patterns. It just means, you need to learn a little bit more. Like, you might be a basically a very smart person, but when you get hired for a particular job, then you need specialized training for that job right? Like that, we might be basically smart and intelligent, but there might be some techniques which we didn't learn for effectively coping up with life's difficulties. CBT only attempts to teach you that. It does not say what you are is invalid or you are crippled. When I went to my first therapist, I was pretty smart and intelligent and I thoguht I had it all figured out in life. In fact, the first session, I asked him why I should tell him everything about my life.. I thought I knew everything I needed to know. But then I slowly changed - because he pointed out, that I was suffering so much and that brought me to his office. He asked me what other option do you have? And why are you here? And that struck me.
And I did start out being quite defensive... I had an explanation for everything I did - for all the difficulties in my emotions.. but then he gradually removed all the defenses. Mostly he pointed out that I was being very defensive and that he couldn't help me if I was defensive, and I realized it almost immediately and changed.
This is not a pro CBT message. I am just thinking you are pretty smart girl, and I think you are young - and you don't have to suffer unnecessarily. Especially since CBT is the only therapy that you can go to now with your public system.
> > If you don't want to change the way you perceive things and the way you feel, what are you hoping to accomplish by going to therapy?
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> Firstly - acceptance is just as important as change IMO. Sometimes I just need to hear that I am okay. My perceptions and feelings are acceptable, understandable, justified, allowed. We are allowed to feel that way and that is fine. That is okay. That we don't have to change to be acceptable either to ourself or to others.
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> Secondly - CBT isn't the only therapy that looks at altering the clients perceptions and feelings. I dare say all therapies look at that. But different theories have different strategies for effecting those changes. Cognitive restructuring is not well suited to me. I find it to be invalidating of my experience (because of 1) and I have philosophical objections to the theory too.
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> If it works for you, if you can find some use in it then that is terrific! Really. It is like how some people do well on a certain kind of med and others have an allergic reaction.
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> > Out of curiosity - so what else do you think would be suited to you?
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> Don't know. I am tempted to say anything but behaviourist and cognitive therapies. I'd like to try something psychodynamic... Or maybe humanistic... I don't know. I don't know enough about them. I am not picky to tell you the truth, at this point I just want someone anyone who is not a CBT therapist.
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> Good therapists can quite often transcend their theorietical orientation anyway..
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poster:pinkeye
thread:467966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/468287.html