Posted by daisym on March 7, 2005, at 0:09:28
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
What you are feeling is really normal. I don't know how old you were, who did these things to you, but it is very common for "us" to feel guilty and ashamed of ourselves for either letting it happen or participating. And we are ashamed FOR the person who did this to us...especially if we cared for them. My therapist explains this as the ability to transfer your shame to someone else...so I'm carrying all the shame for what happened in my family because my parents put their shame in me. It is a hard concept to get your brain around.
I think admitting these things to anyone, even a therapist is embarrassing and hard, especially when you first begin to try to talk about it. It's ugly and we don't want our therapists to think less of us. I'm always asking, "does this change anything?" or "what are you thinking?"
For me, I wrote down things and MADE myself read them. I wanted to win over the words, to not let it own me anymore. Sometimes I would struggle a whole session to get through one page. Or I would blurt something at the end, when there was no time for him to really process it with me. As recently as thursday I said, "why do I need to tell each thing...remember each incident? Why can't I just know I was abused and move on?" His answer was that each thing was its own trauma and so as the memories come back, each needs to be talked about. Otherwise, they are more secrets.
You could try the "what if?" technique with her. Ask, "what if I told you X?" what would you say? and gradually add in more and more truth.
It is really hard. I wish I knew the magic phrase for you. But eventually you will let the right person own the shame. And it isn't you.
poster:daisym
thread:467345
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/467631.html