Posted by 10derHeart on March 4, 2005, at 16:44:33
In reply to Re: Peace Please » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on March 4, 2005, at 16:09:58
I know I used to never, ever be able to imagine a way to repay my ex-T. And with the ways things are progressing with current T., I'm guessing in the end, I may feel in a similar way about him one day. Not the same emotional attachment or type of love I have for ex-T. - that is just unique - but likely a deep debt of gratitude for skill, patience, humor, empathy and all that great stuff. And endurance with me - 'cause like Dinah's recent thread, I have been told (and wholeheartedly agree) that I am a "challenging" client. They've had to stay alert and work hard to keep up with me. I can't help it.
So, how can we live with that sense of inequailty? Of never being able to repay? Well, there's no perfect answer, but I think of it this way now with my ex-T. First, I know I've told him in every way possible, with utter sincerity from the depths of my heart and soul (a card, emails, in person, and hopefully by some of my actions) what a blessing he's been in my life. (I still tell him now, when the chance comes up. But if I never said it again, I know he knows and nothing can erase that.) Apparently some clients never are able or choose to share such feelings of thankfulness, whether they have them or not, and T's do notice. So when some do, it sounds to me like it's a huge deal - bigger than we realize.
Even more, pinkeye, the best thing of all we do is what you've written so simply and beautifully about here. For that T. to know you've learned, grown, healed, and changed because of your work together - what could be better? That must be immensely satisfying - the ultimate even. So we've already repaid them in full, really. Look at you and what you do here, and how you still struggle with your own pain over him, yet at the exact same time don't stop pouring out the great stuff he helped bring out in you onto others who need it.
A healthy, thriving present and future life is more than adaquate repayment. I truly believe that.
poster:10derHeart
thread:463767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466584.html