Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2005, at 20:01:50
I still think I'm on to something, even though my therapist denies it.
For almost two months now my therapist has seen me three to five times a week, dealt with SI and suicidal urges (on a bad week) and ideation (on a good week). I haven't bothered him often outside session, but he's still been very much in the hotseat. He's the one who takes the risk to choose not to push me towards being hospitalized. He's trying to prop me up enough that I don't lose my job.
I've seen my pdoc once. I tried to be honest about what was going on, but it's hard to know if he grasped it because he's such a blank slate. If he did, he apparently wasn't overly worried. Maybe after all the time I've been a patient he figures I'm all ideation and no action. I don't know.
I hear about people telling their spouses or significant others, and I'm flabbergasted. Obviously my husband knows something's up. I'm going to therapy so often. And I must look unwell, because he keeps stopping me and asking me if I'm ok. And trying to hug me.
But he really doesn't want to know. I remember the time I was struggling with intrusive thoughts - I didn't even have any intent of acting on them. I asked him to hold my medication for me. He made this huge deal of it, seemed to think it was unsafe to leave my son alone with me and that he should take off from work, and generally made such a spectacle of the whole thing that it made matters much much worse. And he didn't even take the blasted pills!
My therapist has met my husband often enough that he doesn't think it would be particularly wise to talk to him about it. I remember once we had a joint session back during my postpartum depression days. I thought he was concerned about me, and I guess he was. My therapist asked if he had any questions about my condition and my husband said that he was worried that I couldn't perform my "wifely duties". No, not sex. Housekeeping and childcare. I felt like I had been slapped. My therapist still laughs about that session. Said he'd never seen anything like it. And he's never suggested that we tell my husband anything except when he's threatening to hospitalize me.
Which again leaves my therapist the one sturdy leg on my support stool. And I worry that I am putting too much weight on it. Even if he says I'm not.
He was awfully frustrated last session.
poster:Dinah
thread:462924
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/462924.html