Posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:22:03
In reply to Re: Okay, but I'm still so ANGRY, posted by pinkeye on February 16, 2005, at 13:47:35
I've considered that possibility but it's happening so fast now, the "loop" as you call it, yesterday then today. I don't feel like I'm going to go back to the "loving" because that was protecting him. I'm beginning to wonder if I set up the "love" (which is completely separate from the sexual issue - he's a sexy guy, unfortunately) I set it up in order to protect him, but why? Why did I feel the need to love and protect him, when he mistreated me, I mean, literally?
I finally broke all my silences, I have nothing left I feel I need to hide ... he's the one who's hiding. Hiding behind his profession.
I wonder how many therapists do that. Many, I suspect. Hubris? Oh how gross, how terribly terribly gross. CW had a great deal of that. Oh yes, and he showed it, too. Oh I'm so ANGRY. I can accept that my anger is partly coming from grief. But it's also stuff I always, always knew about him but rejected. I wanted to believe the best. I really did. I tried so hard, and it's time to let go.