Posted by Susan47 on February 11, 2005, at 23:31:09
It feels like I shouldn't be alive without him somewhere nearby, I missed his presence so much earlier tonight. Then suddenly, I felt comforted. Used to be the only thing that would comfort me is (a) the ability to conjure his presence in face, voice, and thought or (b) phoning to hear The Voice - but the voice also gave me anxiety, and the act of phoning itself, anxiety-provoking. So phoning is never a good choice, but sometimes the most immediate relief, it's a short-term solution with a high price.
Now I haven't exactly conjured him as usual, but I am feeling comforted in any case .. maybe it's the party I was at. Maybe it's the one, two puffs I had. Exactly two.