Posted by All Done on February 10, 2005, at 23:35:12
In reply to A parent who drank a lot, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 19:33:11
Dinah,
Wow. You've come so very close to describing my dad and my childhood. The main difference is that my dad was typically a quiet, reserved man. The drinking made him a little more talkative and friendly. I never knew him to be without a drink, though. Ever.
I wish I could offer you all kinds of answers. I had this conversation with one of my sisters a few months ago when I was considering going to an adult children of alcoholics meeting. My sister is of the belief that our dad's drinking had *no* effect on us because he wasn't a mean drunk. I can't really say I agree with that, but like you, I question whether it had an ill effect on us.
It definitely wasn't all bad. I mean, we had our best one on one talks when he was pretty drunk because those were the occassions when he got chatty. But I always wondered how much he remembered the next day. The fact of the matter is, though, most of his drinking time was spent in his recliner, watching tv, reading, and not talking to anyone including me. Probably not the optimal situation for a little girl who loves her daddy, but I don't know that it was that uncommon when I was growing up. Dads just didn't seem to get as involved as they do now.
For me, the hardest part of my his drinking was that my mom always asked me to tell my dad he needed to stop drinking because, "he'll listen to you. He'll stop for you." Well, he never did.
Every once in a while, I get very subtle reminders from my T that my dad was an alcoholic and was not "available" to me. He wants me to look at the reality of things, but now that my dad is gone, it's so hard not to idealize him.
Take care, Dinah. I wish I could offer you more than just my story.
Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:456043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050206/msgs/456122.html