Posted by littleone on December 28, 2004, at 15:29:54
In reply to Lunch, or lack thereof, posted by littleone on December 26, 2004, at 23:29:15
Thank you all for your replies. They meant a lot to me. I'm sorry I find it hard to respond to you all individually. I get antsy. But I did want to especially thank you gg for saying you've enjoyed my posts. It makes me cry when people are unexpectedly nice to me.
I get confused about boundaries. Like here I told my brother I was opting out of Christmas and he kept on harping on "why why why why why why why why". I never told him about the family work in therapy, I just kind of said that it was a decision I had made and I wanted some time to myself. "But why why why why why why". I ended up having to hang up on him.
Then he keeps asking me over and trying to set up a Christmas lunch together. Despite my repeated no's.
My husband went to the lunch I mentioned earlier and my brother gave him a present to pass on to me. My husband said to my brother that I had specifically said no presents this year, but my brother insisted he take it.
So now I've got this unopened present sitting on my table at home. I actually want to return it to my brother. I don't want it. I was thinking of dropping it off at his front door with a letter explaining the idea of boundaries.
But then I keep thinking "Jeez, it's just a present. Just take it and shut up. What's the big deal".
But it does feel important to me. He's ignoring my desisions and my needs and just following the family shoulds.
Part of me thinks he's just being nice, just caring about me. But I honestly don't think that's it. I've unofficially cut myself off from my family for a while now and he hasn't shown any interest in getting together for lunch or whatever. It's only when I specify say I won't be doing that, that he starts pushing for it.
I want my T so badly. I yearn for him. I don't understand people stuff. I can't make sense of things.
Do you think I'm right in my thinking about the boundary stuff, or am I right in thinking that he's just doing this because he cares and if someone wants to care about you, you should just let them? My gut says he's not respecting my boundaries and it feels wrong, so I guess I'm supposed to go with that. But none of my family or my brothers friends or anyone is in therapy besides me. And they just don't *get* anything I try to talk about.
I don't know. 16 days to go til my T gets back. I guess I could just hold the present until then. I just hate having it. I want to toss it away like a hot potatoe.
poster:littleone
thread:434385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/435076.html