Posted by Daisym on November 26, 2004, at 12:45:01
In reply to The Dance of Empathy (long), posted by Aphrodite on November 26, 2004, at 7:30:19
I think one of the key things is that you both hung in there, trying to figure all this out. What did you need? What was he able, and willing, to give, within the boundaries of therapy? And most importantly, why are you acting out in this manner?
I suspect faking it to meet someone else's needs is an old, very strong defense devices. If they are getting what they expect, or need from you, they don't push pass what they see. So you can control things better. I'm a real pro at this. In therapy, I've made a commitment to be honest about what I'm thinking or feeling, but sometimes that is so hard that I end up wordless, in this jumble of feelings. But I haven't just "made nice" for a while. You used the word "empty" and that is how I feel if I can fake something and get away with it. It is almost like, "Hey, you know me better than anyone. You are SUPPOSED to be able to tell..." Not very realistic, I know. I guess it is all tied up with wanting our therapists to be magic.
As far as reading articles meant for clinicians, I research when I'm overwhelmed. I look for answers in the books, on my own. I guess I think I can "cure" myself enough so that he won't get frustrated with how much work there is to do. I'm impatient too, so I keep thinking I'll find a shortcut.
All in all, I'm sorry things are tough. It certainly is an ebb and flow -- feeling better, feeling worse again. Be nice to yourself and let it go for a few days if you can. There are some really great shoe sales going on. :)
Take good care,