Posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 22:49:37
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Things OK? » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on November 20, 2004, at 21:43:47
Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! What fun to plan. I'm thrilled that things are going well and you are feeling better. It is great that it is working. I know that doing this work 5 days a week is exhausting and some days are better than others.
A book, yikes! Will you be a case study? I'll be interested to read it when he gets it done.
As far as me, if I had written this last weekend, I would have said after an immense amount of contact (nearly everyday) I felt safe, connected and not needy. It didn't last past the weekend but it was so great. This past week was hard because we bumped into a memory that I didn't intend to ever tell him. So not only did I speak out loud yet another embarrassing horror, but we went around about why I didn't tell him and my fear of it being "too much." I also spent some time with my mother and this typically makes me upset and needy. My therapist gave me a lecture about how I think I don't have the right to ask anyone to change to meet a need I might have. And the more intimate the relationship, the less likely I am to have any confidence that someone would be willing to do something different for me. I told him that it would be presumptuous of me to expect a change...just because I needed my mother to listen and not problem solve didn't mean she could or would do that. It is in her nature to problem solve, she believes strongly in "getting over" things. (She does not know about what my dad did to me.) Anyway...the conversation made me feel incompetent and inarticulate and I know he was frustrated too. It left me feeling very alone, feeling very stuck, and asking myself again, what I was trying to accomplish.
It seems to me that I've had more squirmishes with my therapist in recent weeks, but I know it is because I've reached a level of trust and openness with him that my raw feelings are just hanging out all over the place. I get hurt really easily, or maybe the younger parts of me get hurt, even as the adult knows he is right or helping.
I think I'm just really emotional, perhaps I've reached the center and hardest part, perhaps I'm having too much therapy and need some space from the hurt.
But, at least this time I'm not suicidal and know I'll get through it. Growth, right?
poster:daisym
thread:418414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/418474.html