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Re: Great post. What a history! » badhaircut

Posted by Noodle on October 11, 2004, at 14:14:59

In reply to Great post. What a history! (nm) » Noodle, posted by badhaircut on October 11, 2004, at 11:02:49

Ah ha !
It was you---> "stalkers site".
*lol*

Thank you very much for the gift of support this morning.
I have never posted in this area before, as I am here learning. And knowing that many of us have social anxiety, paranoia, etc. I was very concerned that my response will not be taken in the way I "feel" it should be.

The odds of this person turning out to be a stalker, are obviously very slim. So I did not post when I first read this question. But somehow your words College Girl, kept coming back to me.

So there we both were : not listening to our gut instinct.


Badhaircut,

Yes, it is an interesting history. I am a very plain person. Most assume that alone protects us from such perpetrators. And each step along the way, I believe it would be very common to doubt one's gut instinct, and want to be kind. After all, are we not all familiar with rejection? And hopefully not getting kicked and then kicking the next one down the line, as some sort of reaction.

But being the odd one out, by entire life, I think is what made me more likely to be potentially targeted. As I always try to NOT kick the next one down the line.

Getting up the nerve to post, and possibly still have others tell me, I am uncaring, is not a comfortable place to be. But my moral and ethical self tends to prevail, even when I wish it would just leave me alone. ;)

That is how I ended up testifying, and getting these laws changed, and now others can benefit. That was about 20 years ago, and
things were much different then. So viewing the stalker sites was good for me. I see much more common sense there now, than any advice we were given back so long ago.

I was just being an ordinary girl, when the whole terrible situation began. I managed to slip, unintentionally into the swift part of the stream, and was taken for a long distance.Events all seemed so unreal , the whole time it was happening. It covered two years before his jail time and then he was locked up for one year. That took some real doing, as most of them never are locked up by the police. At least not then.

It stared with the police refusing to take a report or allow me to file any charges... because women always change their mind.
Then I was not allowed to obtain a restraining order ... because you must have lived together.
The police at that time, could let a restraining order sit on the desk for years, and never bother to serve it.

But I managed to fall in the right part of that fast moving current.... all along the way, other women stepped out and helped me. Each one found a way to bend a rule, just for me. Why ? I still have no idea. The terror of going to testify had to be faced, as he was still following my every move. But to not support these wonderful women, and their organizations, was unthinkable.

They had kept me safe. I was shuffled from shelter to shelter, as you must leave if you are found by the bad guy. And finally one shelter bent even that rule.( after there were no more shelters to go to, but that's not the point really)

I met a wonderful female lawyer, that took care of me through the whole thing, and wanted no compensation.
I required someone with me at all times, those entire two years.
The judge required the bad guy to be strip searched before each trial.
We had extra security required also.

Even now, the trauma comes back as if it were last week. Typing this out, it all sounds so dramatic. But as each day unfolded during all of this, the only thing a person can do, is survive and do what must be done.
You get dressed, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, make phone calls to confirm all the days required "body guards", and do all the normal things a person does each day.

Then, twenty years later, I write to College Girl, and any one that should happen upon this thread.
I will repeat... If you have been the victim, there is no reason to go to the sites describing the stalkers. They are correct.

As far as being nice to this girl, that seems to have some type of problem. Weigh the risk and benefit. I believe the risk is too high.

I do hope some others reply also, as I am still feeling unsettled. I hope I have not offended any one, that could possibly be viewing this situation from a completely different viewpoint.


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poster:Noodle thread:400047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401654.html