Posted by gardenergirl on September 20, 2004, at 0:46:40
In reply to Re:what if..., posted by Pfinstegg on September 19, 2004, at 22:38:22
Very good advice given above. I just wanted to add that if you want to check the licensure of a new or current T, you can check with your state's licensing board. My state actually has this service available online. Although none of the sanctions specifically say they are for a sexual relationship (to my knowledge), there are many inappropriate "dual relationships" that to me seem suspect. So, although the 3000 number is not one I can confirm, I can tell you that it does happen, and more than you might think. Statistics I saw in a class a few years ago (sorry for being vague, but I never remember the details, just the big picture, and don't have my notes handy) confirmed that inapprorpriate sexual relationships happened almost more than any other ethical violations.
I'm glad you have a new T in mind. I agree that checking out the confidentiality up front is very important. I'm sure this will be very scary. But a good and professional T will be able to handle helping you with this situation. If he or she feels that it is too "close" due to his or her own professional or personal ties to your T, then that also should be stated up front.
I wish you well. This must be so incredibly difficult. Either situation...boundary violations by a T or a devastating affair's end would be difficult enough, but having them so intertwined...I can't imagine how confusing and hurt you must feel.
Please put yourself first in your decisions. Ultimately, you are the one who has been with you your whole life. That has got to count for something...