Posted by stebby on September 2, 2004, at 20:10:30
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Starlight on September 2, 2004, at 16:24:19
Why do I cut? I wish I could answer that simply. It all started quite by accident when I was feeling very suicidal, but I discovered some sort of relief with it. First it was very mild and then it got more frequent and a little worse. But, I'm somewhat able to control it. Because I hold a fairly high profile job, have two kids, and what appears to be a very "normal" life from the outside, I know I can't let it get out of hand, or else my life will fall apart completely...it kind of keeps it in check. But, even when I'm not cutting, the desire can be very strong, especially when I'm in conflict with someone or feeling very low. It's something I CAN do when i'm feeling so badly. I can't take my life because of what it would do to my kids...so, it kind of keeps me going sometimes. Unfortunately, its so addictive...who would have thought? but I guess you understand that. From everything I've read, bulimia and SI are very similar.
That is so awful about your pDoc, writing those things and never even addressing them with you. You're right when you say that therapists should address things head on sometimes, instead of waiting for you to "discover" for yourself. There is value in self-discovery, but only to a point. If you were really behaving in a sexually provocative manner and you had no idea, shouldn't he tell you? In reality he was probably fantasizing that you were behaving in a sexually provocative manner. It was probably his own form of transference. When a therpaist scews up it is SO damaging! I am still getting over what my first therapist did to me and that was two and a half years ago.
best to you.
Stebby
been here on and off for awhile. Mainly after what happened to me with my pdoc, I was devastated and can only talk about it with very few people, but this group is very understanding, supportive and can relate.
>
> Why do you cut? What's the underlying feeling. For me, with the eating disorder, I think it was kind of like cathartic - throwing up my emotions and frustrations with life, kind of a cleansing myself of the pain I felt. But after awile I couldn't stop and it was eventually out of control. And I'm talking really, really out of control. I threw up every single thing I ate. But somehow I was released. And God, I wish that everyone could experience that release from the things that bind them.
> starlight
poster:stebby
thread:251041
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/385802.html