Posted by Raindancer on July 27, 2004, at 8:38:37
In reply to Re: Confused, posted by vwoolf on July 27, 2004, at 4:04:16
You are so honest and brave in what you say and I think you are a really good and kind person. You've been made to believe you're not, though, from a very early age and when this happens to us it affects all we think, feel and do.
Your T does care - she wouldn't say so if she didn't as it would be totally against all her training as a T. She is also trying to show you that she is to be trusted and that she won't be overwhelmed by your need. She'll be right there with you. I don't know whether you're aware of it but you are testing her so that when she "breaks" you can say "There, I told you I was unlovable!" - but I don't believe she will. You are lovable - I wish you could have had this love as a child, but it is available to you now from your T and from all of us here and I'm sure there are many others that feel love towards you. I think that it's very hard to accept love when we don't accept ourselves as we always reject the warmth we're given, then beat ourselves up mentally for being unworthy. Your T can help you if you can relax a little and accept at least some of the care that she offers. It feels scary as the need is so desperate, but it is honestly worth the risk (everything in life is a risk, I think). She sounds reliable and caring enough to hold you and not let you go until you are ready.
Gradually through this you slowly build up a core of inner strength (this has happened to me - it took two years, but now it's working in a way I never before believed possible) which no-one can ever take away from you. You are very special and deserve the best . Take good care of yourself and please let us know how you are doing. Hugs.
Raindancer
P.S. I work part-time in a supermarket check-out and can honestly say that I become very close to my regular customers and care for some of them very much, sharing their joys and sorrows and missing them if they don't come in. Love can be found, even when shopping !
poster:Raindancer
thread:371035
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/371091.html