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Re: Questions cricket

Posted by antigua on June 28, 2004, at 16:15:23

In reply to Re: Questions, posted by cricket on June 28, 2004, at 13:37:53

My abuse started so young too, and I thought the same thing: how could I recover what I never had? But, I have discovered that there was a young girl who would have grown and developed normally (bad choice of word), who would have developed differently if the abuse didn't happen. My "self" is still in there, and everything I wanted to become is still there too. I had to hide that part of me in order to stay safe. I'm not explaining it in the best way, but knowing that there was a "me" before all this happened HAS given me hope. I don't have to be the person I became. I can become a healthier me.

As to the truama, from what I've learned if we didn't process the trauma (or weren't encouraged or allowed to) it stays trapped in our unconscious until we are able to process it, which means bringing it out. My T keeps telling me that my fear of what it was like is nowhere as bad as my expectations, but I don't feel safe enough to let it all out.

So, for me, the word "recover" isn't right, because I'm becoming a new person, a healthier and happier one. I have to hope because w/o hope I would have to give up. In the past year I've thought I would give up, but I realized it was because I felt I had nothing left once my defenses (denial and disassociation) were stripped away, but I've discovered that there is a core "me" that is still there. She will never be what she could have become w/o the abuse, but she can become something to be proud of.




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