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self injury

Posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 0:26:08

I recently told my therapist that I had tried to make myself sick by throwing up...I did this because I was so overwhelmed with issues that I was dealing with inside my head and in reality..but I told her that I knew how bad it is to do this and that i wasnt going to start this bad habit...but, just tonight..i became so nervous about something that i went into the bathroom and tried to throw up twice. It didnt work...but I gagged like crazy and then, I got really upset. I have taken my seroquel that is supposed to put me to sleep but Im so worked up that it isnt working. Im worked up about having to face my boss tomorrow because she is really angry wtih me..and my way of dealing with the stress of everything is to make myself sick i guess..but this JUST STARTED and im really scared. My therapist doesnt know that this is going on because we havent been able to meet..she is trying to get me in this week but i dont know if i will be able to. Im scared that my parents are going to find out about my doing this to myself and if they do i dont know what I will do.My dad is a doc and he sees kids that do this to themselves but he always thinks that nothing bad can happen to his kids...I cannot believe that im doing this to myself. I havent succeded in making myself sick but im trying really hard and it makes me so upset with myself. I wanted to do this so that I could say I was sick tomorrow and then not have to go in to work..but i know this is wrong. I have only tried to throw up 3 you think this is worthy my saying something yet or should i just wait and see if it continues...i dont know what to do...




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poster:Pandabear thread:352588