Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 352588

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self injury

Posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 0:26:08

I recently told my therapist that I had tried to make myself sick by throwing up...I did this because I was so overwhelmed with issues that I was dealing with inside my head and in reality..but I told her that I knew how bad it is to do this and that i wasnt going to start this bad habit...but, just tonight..i became so nervous about something that i went into the bathroom and tried to throw up twice. It didnt work...but I gagged like crazy and then, I got really upset. I have taken my seroquel that is supposed to put me to sleep but Im so worked up that it isnt working. Im worked up about having to face my boss tomorrow because she is really angry wtih me..and my way of dealing with the stress of everything is to make myself sick i guess..but this JUST STARTED and im really scared. My therapist doesnt know that this is going on because we havent been able to meet..she is trying to get me in this week but i dont know if i will be able to. Im scared that my parents are going to find out about my doing this to myself and if they do i dont know what I will do.My dad is a doc and he sees kids that do this to themselves but he always thinks that nothing bad can happen to his kids...I cannot believe that im doing this to myself. I havent succeded in making myself sick but im trying really hard and it makes me so upset with myself. I wanted to do this so that I could say I was sick tomorrow and then not have to go in to work..but i know this is wrong. I have only tried to throw up 3 you think this is worthy my saying something yet or should i just wait and see if it continues...i dont know what to do...


Re: self injury Pandabear

Posted by cubic_me on June 1, 2004, at 6:45:06

In reply to self injury, posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 0:26:08

I remember your post about the first time you tried to throw up and wanted to respond, but didn't feel like I had anything much to add. I really do think it's good you told your T about it, and you should do again, then you can get to the bottom of why you feel like doing it and maybe come up with some solutions. I have tried to make myself sick only once, but I've wanted to many many more times, and it's a horrible feeling both before and afterwards, and like you say, it's not something that you want to become a habit, but it is an easy thing to slip into slowly and without much control (like I did with self injury).

When you feel anxious and like throwing up, is there something you could do to distract yourself. Being around other people can be a good distraction for me, or you could go for a walk or play computer games that take a lot of concentration. When I know I'm likely to want to make myself sick I try not to eat very much, then I can convince myself that even if I tried, there would be nothing to throw up anyway.

You said that you are worried about your dad finding out, and I can see why - the best way of not letting him find out is to not do it. I know that this is easier said than done, but the quicker you work through this, become less anxious and lessen the urge to do it, the less likely he is to find out.


Re: self injury Pandabear

Posted by Poet on June 1, 2004, at 14:56:26

In reply to self injury, posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 0:26:08

Hi Pandabear,

I'm a recovered bulimic, I used to eat mass quantities of food then throw up. It made me feel in control to eat and eat and then get rid of it quick. I wasn't really in control, but I tricked myself into feeling it.

You don't say that you're eating more food than usual, just trying to throw up and you can't. It's like I used to do only, what you're trying to get rid of keeps getting stuck. Physically and mentally.

I would talk to my therapist about what's happening next time you see her. If you can't get in this week, can you call her? I can understand how scared you are especially when you live at home and your father's a doctor. Keeping what's going on behind that closed door a secret is hard. That you feel you can talk to your T about it is great, it'll help you release what is stuck.



Re: self injury Poet

Posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 16:38:59

In reply to Re: self injury Pandabear, posted by Poet on June 1, 2004, at 14:56:26

Thanks for your trying to make myself throw up is due to something inside of my head that is making me think that it will make my other pain go away...i guess..because im not making myself sick trying to but im not succeeding...I have only done it a few times and I have every intention of not doing it again..but I want to figure out what it is that made me do this because I have never done this before there has to be some hidden meaning behind whatever made me make myself sick...its really weird...but thanks for your response and thanks to everyone else as well...its a great help to me.


Re: self injury

Posted by shadows721 on June 1, 2004, at 22:41:43

In reply to self injury, posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 0:26:08

This forced throwing up sounds like a means to cope with some distressing feelings. I think it would be advisable to bring it up in therapy. The therapist may suggest alternative coping techniques to use in the future. Don't beat yourself up over it. That just leads to more negative feelings to contend with in the future.

But, I feel you want to know why your doing this. I may be wrong, but I feel this is a wanting to purge a feeling out of your system. Maybe, it could be a feeling like being bad inside. What feeling would you like to get out of the pit of your stomach or what feeling can't you stomach?


Re: self injury shadows721

Posted by Pandabear on June 2, 2004, at 12:01:31

In reply to Re: self injury, posted by shadows721 on June 1, 2004, at 22:41:43

I think you are right. This is something that Im doing because my mood is down and im depressed and things arent going well for me at all at work and Im just so overwhelmed with everything..its my way of trying to make myself feel better but its not right...Im having my therapist call me this afternoon after her last session so I can talk to her about this bc I dont want this to go on any longer and its already happened 4 times...Im not trying to loose weight or anything like that...



Posted by Pandabear on June 4, 2004, at 23:06:49

In reply to Re: self injury, posted by shadows721 on June 1, 2004, at 22:41:43

I ended up calling my therapist a couple of days ago and told her that I was trying to make myself throw up and that it was scaring me bc I didnt understand fully why I was being compelled to do this and she said that it sounds like to her that it is my OCD kicking in and that its just a compulsion that im having. A way of dealing with some feelings that Im having. She said that if she couldnt get me in to see her this week...(this past week) that we would think positive about my not doing it again until we meet again and that we will talk about it then...she was also wondering when it was going to be that I would see my psychiatrist again to get a med change and I told her that I had just gotten we shall see what far I have not thrown up. She told me that it works for some people and others it doesnt and that maybe I am one of the ones that it doesnt work for..

I feel horrible boss is constantly getting upset with me for stupid things and I want so badly to change jobs..yet I cannot..for several reasons that I dont want to go into...but I went to my therapist office today in tears because I just knew I was about to be fired and because my therapist was in session with someone...the receptionist let me talk to her..:) We have become great friends..since I am in there every is my boss that is making me sick..she is what is making me want to throw up..and it makes me sick to think that she has this much power over the way I feel...I want my therapist to help me find another job...but I dont know if she will be able to help me...


Re: update

Posted by shadows721 on June 5, 2004, at 1:03:51

In reply to update, posted by Pandabear on June 4, 2004, at 23:06:49

I don't have OCD, but I went through a similiar thing. I had a job that I couldn't stand. I literally threw up right outside of the building before work. It was due to my nerves. I had to quit. It was making me sick. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Once I quit, I was okay. When I get like that, I know it something really upsetting me and I need to do something about it.


Re: update Pandabear

Posted by Aphrodite on June 5, 2004, at 7:24:14

In reply to update, posted by Pandabear on June 4, 2004, at 23:06:49

It does sound like your work situation is causing you enormous anxiety. I have contemplated switching jobs too, but I am afraid to do so when things are so unstable for me in my life and in therapy. I'm afraid I won't make a wise decision in this condition. I also in more rational moments realize that I need to confront these work problems because every job is going to have them and switching for me seems like running away from them. My father used to say, "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know." Basically, looking for a new job and adjusting to it will be it's own form of intense anxiety. So, it becomes a choice between the current anxiety, which sounds just awful for you, and the unknown.

Then again, if the people you are around have toxic effects on you, you may want weigh whether it is worth getting out.

Like I said recently in Daisy's post about loneliness, if we became physically ill, most of us would have coworkers who would rally around us and help us out and understand until we were healed. But with our troubles, we have to hide it or run the risk of being dismissed, ridiculed, etc.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.


Re: self injury Pandabear

Posted by terrics on June 6, 2004, at 10:43:14

In reply to self injury, posted by Pandabear on June 1, 2004, at 0:26:08

Perhaps you should tell your dad. Would he be understanding? Don't let it go though, even if you only tell your T.
Throwing up can rot your teeth, cause your body's chemical make-up to get all screwed up. That, in turn, can affect your heart. It can eventually kill you. You sound young. take care of yourself. terrics


Re: self injury terrics

Posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 13:38:24

In reply to Re: self injury Pandabear, posted by terrics on June 6, 2004, at 10:43:14

I wish I could tell my dad but, he would be furious with me. I have not tried to throw up for about a week now so I think im doing ok. I was unable to make myself sick so im going to let it go. I havent been to therapy in 2 and a half weeks and this is part of what messes me up...I dont have anyone to talk to outside of therapy about my inner secrets...and so therefore I get anxious and overwhelmed and I had to try and find a way to make myself feel better..even though in reality it didnt. Im going to get in to see her this next week though. Im going to take care of therapist did give me things to do to make my anxiety less and I have been doing some...I ended up making a collage of words that I cut out of magazines that describe how im really feeling right now and to be honest it is REALLY DEPRESSING. But, it has kept my mind off of this is a good thing. :)

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