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Re: You are not alone

Posted by KindGirl on May 31, 2004, at 20:57:22

In reply to You are not alone KindGirl, posted by DaisyM on May 31, 2004, at 13:56:38

You articulated very well how I feel. The nights are hell. I wake up crying...feeling like a lost little kid...and I wonder how I pull it off in the day. Like you I feel split off all the time.

My t. called me back and said in her message that I want to appear strong and that I don't need her, but the truth is I DO need her and that is okay. She said I need to need her and I need to know I don't have to be strong.

I was thinking about what you said about calling your t. and being clingy...usually I call when I am right on the verge of a nervous breakdown (never had one but I think I am closel) and then after I hang up I think, 'You stupid freak! Leave her alone!" and what makes it worse is when she says she is "here for me" but I call and have to wait hours for her to call back.

Like you, I feel I am wanting the impossible. This woman is NOT my mother, will never be my mother...I will never be able to call her in the middle of the night when I am crying and sad and hear her voice. I have to suffer through the night all alone, like I have done my whole life.

She gave me a baby blanket for Christmas and a little pillow for my birthday and sometimes that will get me through the night. But then I wake up and think, 'You are WAY too old for a blankie. Get a grip.'

Anyway, thanks for does help not to feel so alone.
((((daisy))))) ((((antigua)))))




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