Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 1, 2004, at 12:35:12
In reply to non-sexual boundry crossing, posted by lucy stone on May 1, 2004, at 8:05:28
You make some very good points Lucy. I do not agree with all but well thought out as it pertains to you ..for me, I see crossings as ok in my case..I have talked on this before in another thread..but the small say allowance to go over a half hour in a session no charge has not messed me up. I think sometimes especially with me and people like me these crossings HELP us trust and talk more and be more open..and yes I do see the flip side where..it could be bad for some and misleading. Its a good discussion...
> I've been reading this thread with great interest because boundies are a huge issue with me. I am constantly pushing at the borders of the boundries but my T never puts even a toe over the line. I have yelled, cried, threatened, verbally abused, anything I could think of to get him to cross but he will not. I know it is ultimately in my best interest even though it doesn't always feel that way. However, in my case it is for a personal relationship outside the therapy boundry that is not sexual. I do sometimes have sexual feelings for him, but my longing is not primarily sexual. I think this thread is interesting but is seems to be defininly boundry crossings and "intimacy" mostly in sexual terms. I know that having sexual contact with a T is abuse, exploitation, and very damaging to patients, but I think non-sexual boundry crossing also has the potential to be very damaging. My T constantly points out to me that he is not my friend, he is my T and that is a very different thing. I love him dearly and I know he has what the calls genuine "warm feelings" for me, but it is within the T boundries. I am in analysis and see him 4X/week, and we often cover very difficult terrain. If he loved me in a personal sense or had great liking for me as a friend, I do not think he would have the same objectivity to help me as my T. For example, I often feel I am unlikeable and unfriendable. I have a great deal of difficulty making and maintaining close relationships with people and the loneliness is very hard for me. I do the same things with him that I do with people on the outside and he can help me see what it is I do that is offputting to people. In response to a thread of a few weeks ago, I asked him if he liked me. He stated that he like me, but he didn't like me sometimes when I behaved in certain ways. That was extrememly difficult to hear and pushed me back toward my depression. However, I need to know those things if I am going to be able to change my behavior in the ways I want. Now, if he loved me as a potential partner or liked me as a potential friend, would he even be able to see why I was offputting? Would he be blinded by his love/like? Especially if he loved me... This is why I think that the discussion should not just be limited to sexual contact, boundry crossings on an emotional level can also be very harmful to what we are trying to get with all our hard work in therapy. I don't think real therapy can go on if T/patient have feelings of love for each other, and if they think they are real the T should refer the patient out and start on their 2 year wait. I agree that you can't always predict where you will meet a partner, but if it happens in therapy there will be no real therapy going on. To me that is very unethical, for a T to continue seeing someone who should have moved on to a more objective T. He/she should put the patient's issues over their own feelings and refer them to someone else.
poster:Fallen4MyT
thread:336073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/342197.html