Posted by noa on April 23, 2004, at 11:18:27
In reply to Not being understood, posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2004, at 20:02:29
FF,
From what you've described, it would feel to me like he was giving me conflicting messages. On the one hand, he is saying, "there is no RIGHT way to do therapy--go ahead, take risks, be spontaneous, you are in charge, etc. etc." but on the other hand, he does actually respond by CORRECTING you. He tells you to say anything and then when you say you were upset about the previous session, he says he doesn't understand why you were upset.He also seems to have made an assumption, incorrectly, that you were asking him to choose the topic. To me, you were just needing to let him know all of the things on your mind first before talking about the thing you prioritized as being the most important to use therapy for that day. Ok, so maybe your long term goal is to be more spontaneous in social situations. But right now, you have a lot of improtant things you want him to know and want to make the best use of therapy, which afterall is not the run of the mill social situation--it is a valuable resource that is also limited and that you are paying for. If he wants to comment on the fact that you prepared ahead by listing and prioritizing, I would find it hurtful to me if such comments were to tell me not to do that. It could be helpful if my therapist were to observe how I prepare and respect that this is the way I am thinking about and organizing my problems and what I need help with and help me talk about how that helps me. Maybe in the long run I'd want to be more spontaneous, but at least for now, if this is my style then there are probably good reasons for it and I would hate it if my therapist tried to tell me to stop doing it.
As for the previous session, being upset, his not understanding---did he say it in an empathic way, like he wanted to try to understand better what had upset you? Was he saying that he hadn't realized how upset you were (are you someone who is good at hiding your upset from him and he hadn't realized it) and would like to understand it better? Or was he disagreeing with you that there was something to be upset about?
Is he the kind of therapist that can own up to his part of what is going on (like, "oh, now I see...when I said this, now I can understand how that might have come across to you as that.....")?
poster:noa
thread:338953
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339141.html