Posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2004, at 19:08:27
In reply to I told Ellen about the consultation today, posted by crushedout on April 22, 2004, at 15:16:01
***Good for you for telling her!
>I felt she was mad at me but she said she wasn't -- just scared.
*** Why was she *scared*?? Scared of what? Why is fear an emotion that is connected with your seeing the other therapist? Is she *afraid* you will leave (I could understand sad, or disappointed)? Is she *afraid* of what the other therapist might find out? "Scared" just seems like an unusual emotion under the circumstances.
*** I believe that it is not unusual for therapists to insist that you have only one therapist at a time. An exception is often made when you see one therapist for individual, and as second for group. But I think that only one individual therapist is a fairly common thing.
> So, she asked me: what do I feel for her? And I told her that I felt longing. It wasn't conflicted at all. She said she thought that my longings weren't attached to her, that some day I could transfer them onto someone else, basically, and I told her that felt impossible. She said I needed to learn to tolerate the longing. She asked me if I wanted it to go away. I said, "Not really. Well, yes, I guess I do, but I want it to go away because I have satisfied it. But I don't even know if that's possible."*** I'm really glad you started having this conversation with her. This is important stuff to say outloud and discuss.
>
> Next week I'm supposed to get into specifically what I'm longing for so she can let me know whether it's possible. Scary. I actually meant was it literally possible to satisfy such longings -- that is, even if there weren't any restrictions on what we could do, and she were to do exactly what I wanted her to (cuddle me, sleep with me, etc.), would I actually be satisfied, or is it only a myth in my mind that she has the ability to satisfy my longings? In other words, are my longings actually impossible for anyone to satisfy under any circumstances?
>
> But I think she thought I meant, would she be able to within the boundaries of our relationship. Which I'd also like to know the answer to, but I think I already know she can't. I wonder if she could just hold me, though. That would be nice.
>
*** Next week will be an important session. It will be helpful to talk about what is real and what is possible and whether you could be satisfied.I think that you and Ellen went in an important direction. It sounds like you are opening up and being very honest with her. That is really important (and really hard!).
Whether you decide to stay with her in the future or not, I think that this discussion is valuable. Good for you!
poster:fallsfall
thread:338881
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/338942.html