Posted by BigFish on April 15, 2004, at 15:18:17
In reply to Re: Is the attraction mutual? » BigFish, posted by Fallen4MyT on April 14, 2004, at 17:30:58
>>** PLEASE DON'T DIS MY T FOR THIS*
I definately won't...
This might be an incoherent jumble, but here it goes.
For three years I saw a pdoc for a once-a-month med check. Then at the very beginning of this year I had a severe depressive episode. I contemplated suicide. He suggested I come in twice a week for therapy. I said ok. A few weeks in, during one of the sessions, I noticed that he was looking at me in a different way. I looked away and then back at him. His eyes hadn't moved. He started to ask me repeatedly if, maybe, there was something else I'd like to tell him. I said no. I changed topics several times. Still the question - don't you want to tell me something? Exasperated, I said no. Finally he asked me, in a roundabout way, if I had a crush on him. This was completely out of the blue. We'd never broached the subject of feelings other than my own toward my family. I admitted that I did, though it was mortifying to do so. And then I instantly dropped the subject.
I never mentioned this again. I was too embarassed. Since then there have been, from him, lots of gazes [not all directed at my eyes] and a softening in his tone of voice. On a few occasions he double booked the time of my appointment. Also, he went through a period of starting our appointment late. If it had been me, we would have talked about my "avoidance" but since it's him he just says "sorry." This from a man who had been very punctual.
Then there's the boyfriend-like behavior. I arrived late once and appologized. He said "I called your work and home numbers" in an irritated tone. At one point I canceled the last appointments that we had scheduled because I'd grown overwhelmed with the situation. He left several messages. When I answered the phone later he asked "Why did you cancel? What has happened with this?" in a bewildered tone of voice. Not the "This seems sudden. Why don't you come in and we can talk about it." that everyone else I know has gotten when they have a therapy freak-out.
Then about a week ago, I was talking about an old friend of mine - saying that I love her and that she's important to me. He was staring out the window, paying no attention. This was the first time he'd ever done something like that. I called him on it. He stalled and became evasive - finally saying "the combination of you and love, well, it's difficult for me." I didn't know what to say or do. Since then my friend has come up, but he says "you were saying that you care for her." No, not exactly.
So here I am with a big crush on him [I know about transference. I've known him for too long - it can't account for all of this.]. Thanks for reading this. I needed to get this off my chest really badly.
BigFish
poster:BigFish
thread:336073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/336662.html