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Wow

Posted by KindGirl on April 14, 2004, at 1:24:13

In reply to Re: Infant abuse (ramble)...may trigger (?) » KindGirl, posted by noa on April 13, 2004, at 11:09:06

Thanks guys for just being here with me through this. It does bring some comfort knowing that other people have early memories (and this is all new to me, as I have just come out of a very religious addiction where I was reminded every minute that "Jesus is all that you need. The past is the past and He makes all things new..." when I would suddenly have horrid memories out of the blue and be told to quit looking to the past).

So you guys validate how hard this is and how much it truly does hurt.

I am sad to hear of your early experiences Noa. My heart just ached as I read of your early hospital memories...yes, I can only imagine how the friend of the family's comments affected you!!!!!! It is like the note I received not long ago from my mother telling me "how could you turn into such a self righteous B**** when you were such a loving and good baby?" and I want to scream at her, "Because you were never going to come anyway, so I quit crying to save my energy to just survive!!!!")

So I am shaking my head as I think about what you wrote. So sad. So much abuse happens. Thank you so much for sharing and for sharing your t. experience with me. I really feel I hit the jackpot with my t because I know deep down that I never was held or tenderly touched, ever, and she is so open to it. I wonder what it would feel like with a man. Right now I am so new to all of this therapy stuff and I am just wading through all the mother garbage. I can't imagine what healing from my dad would be like.

FYI, both of my parents live within an hour of me, my husband of 15 years, and their 3 only grandchildren (my parents are divorced but live the same distance from us) and they choose to be selfish a holes like they have always been and I am ostracized from them because I said no to them one time (when I say "them" I mean my mom actually). My dad is a self absorbed college professor who has been teaching a zillion years so he gives lectures to any and every one about stuff no one gives a rip about and he never notices everyone is sleeping and he is still blabbing. He can talk for hours about himself. So, no loss there really. He told my brother and I one day (I was 12) that he didn't love my mother anymore and was leaving that night. He left that night, they got a divorce, and within 3 months we moved away from him, my childhood home, my friends....it was hell on a whole other dimension. My husband hates him for leaving us. He can't believe a father could leave his daughter. We have a daughter, and he can't bear to think of being away from her.

Again I am rambling...sorry...but thanks for all the support you guys. I did leave messages this week to my T. (I have already called her 3 times! YIKES) and I did fess up to missing her. I told her I wanted her to hold me longer at our next session. She called back and left me a message that missing her and wanting to be with her are healthy signs of healing for me because I am letting her in, I am opening my heart to be loved and nurtured, and she said she would love to hold me when I see her on Thursday. So, thanks for the well wishes and the advice. You guys are a great support system for me!!!


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poster:KindGirl thread:335814
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