Posted by crushedout on April 1, 2004, at 21:53:50
In reply to Re: I exasperate my T (and then some rambling), posted by DaisyM on April 1, 2004, at 21:25:45
Well, my mother said she never loved anyone until I was born, and then I was the center of her world for all of my childhood. I was her only child. My mom and dad split up when I was 4 and when I was 7 my mom moved to another town and separated me from my dad. My dad was devastated and committed to keeping me in his life so he did everything to fight for every moment with me -- got me for all summers, vacations, three-day weekends, etc. That meant I was travelling alone frequently at a very young age, which I think was pretty hard for me. But basically my parents were very loving (maybe too loving?) and committed to me.
On the other hand, my mother was depressed a lot and so she probably wasn't always that good at taking care of me.
But my therapist doesn't remind me of either of my parents at all. She's very unlike them. That's not to say it's not transference. I think sometimes transference can be about what you didn't have, rather than what you did have.
But it *seems* like I got all my needs met. I know I must not have, but it wasn't like I was an abused or neglected child. I just want more mothering. And I want it from her and her alone. I'm so confused.
Things with her are not going well at all these days. We're stuck, she's exasperated and sick of me (I'm sure she's not attracted to me anymore, especially since I started hurting myself), and I'm just feeling worse and worse about myself and more hopeless. Even though everything else in my life is going so well: dating, friends, family, jobs, money. I just don't understand what's happening.
poster:crushedout
thread:331532
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/331584.html