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Re: Ever wonder why your T is evasive? EmmyS

Posted by lonelygirl on March 21, 2004, at 12:24:25

In reply to Ever wonder why your T is evasive?, posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 10:54:49

You know, I actually think that if he would just come right out and tell me about himself, I would be much less inclined to "research" him. If he just gave me a brief autobiography (and maybe a picture) at the beginning, and made me feel comfortable in asking about him about himself occasionally, I probably wouldn't feel compelled to go research him in secret. It is weird -- and difficult -- to "open up" to someone about whom you know practically nothing.

He is not the only one I "research," by the way. I google practically everybody I meet (including people I DISLIKE). I have nearly 100 people on my AIM buddy list, the vast majority of whom I have never IMed, and I always read people's away messages (have you ever noticed that some people give WAY too much information on these things? Some even give their cell phone numbers! The WHOLE world can read these, people!). I read the Live Journals of some people I know from school, and they have no idea that I'm reading (to be fair, they used their last names, and in one case, his full name, as their user names, and they put links in their buddy profiles, so it's not like they made them hard to find). I guess it's in large part because I don't have any friends or real relationships at all, so how else can I find out about people? It almost gives me a feeling of power to be able to find out stuff about people without having to wait for them to tell me (they usually never do).

I believe it was in my initial consultation that he asked me about my relationships with my family, and I didn't say much, so he said, "Well, when I go home, sometimes one of my sisters will think that my other sister has done something irresponsible, and ask me what I think about it..." (I can't remember the whole story). Then I asked, "How old are they?" The instant I asked it, I felt, "Uh oh, I crossed the line, didn't I?" He answered, politely (I thought, from his story, he only had 2, but it turns out he has 4 or 5, ranging from my age to mid-30's -- unfortunately, I didn't even like him at the time so I didn't pay much attention), but I still felt like I had asked something inappropriate.

Of course, I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want to disclose a lot about himself; maybe there are other people who would just take that information and use it to stalk him even more. I guess by using what little information he gave me to search on him, I have sort of "proven" this myself, except that I really think it's only because he hasn't given me enough. It's just that he is the closest thing I have to a friend, and he acts like he is in some ways (being nice to me and paying attention to me, for example), but it's totally one-sided, and I want to know about him, listen to him, hear about his life. I know it isn't his job to be my friend, but I still wish he were.




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