Posted by DaisyM on March 5, 2004, at 15:48:19
In reply to Gardenergirl, may I ask a question?, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 12:50:04
>>>But I wonder, is part of the reason also because the therapeutic relationship is at heart an as-if one? That because it isn't based on genuine feelings on the part of the therapist, then I don't need to have him like me or not be angry with me because those things really can't jeopardize the relationship. Because the relationship isn't based on positive feelings on his part anyway. (Although I think positive feelings on the client's part are close to essential).
<<<Dinah,
First, I highly doubt that you can work with someone in therapy for years and not have feelings for them. Genuine feelings, more than paycheck feelings. So I think that while you don't have to worry about your Therapist's feelings, you can rely on your instincts that say his concern in genuine and he does care about you.
In the bigger picture of all therapy, I can't imagine doing this work if you didn't really care about people in general and want to help them. There are easier ways to make a buck.
I told my Therapist yesterday that I needed to stop therapy because I couldn't manage my job, my kids, my husband's illness, home AND therapy. And therapy was the most obvious choice to cut out because I would be the only person impacted. He had a lot to say about stopping therapy, but he had more to say about my version of our relationship and him not being impacted if I stop. He said I was putting myself last again and even if no one else noticed or cared, he did. He said he thought it was a really bad idea to bury myself in work again and he wanted to advocate for the "real" me who was beginning to admit to her needs for support. And he planned to continue to be that support, especially since he felt I did trust and need him. And this realization, conscious or unconscious, made me scared again of needing and trusting him, and stopping therapy was really just trying to run from those feelings. He said that we would go through this a hundred times, but HE wasn't going anywhere. And he said, "no, he wasn't mad or frustrated."
I don't think he would have said all that if his feelings of caring weren't genuine.Plus we talked again this morning, (I had a major audit at work and he was checking on me)and he told me he wasn't mad about wanting to quit yesterday and that he EXPECTED to see me Monday. If he didn't care, i don't think he would have remembered that I had the stupid audit.
OK, I'll admit that I WANT to think he cares. But I really do think you wouldn't, couldn't be effective as a Therapist with out genuine feelings. Your clients would figure it out.
My 2 cents...
poster:DaisyM
thread:320672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/320744.html