Posted by Rigby on February 11, 2004, at 17:23:42
In reply to Love and fireworks (and embarrassment), posted by crushedout on February 11, 2004, at 0:10:15
The question is not, why do you feel embarassed? It's what in gawd's name is this woman telling you about *her* depression for? The CD was the first red flag but it seems to me this woman's not together enough to get things back on track. At all. In fact, the whole CD incident is probably enough to say she's whacked.
I think she's definitely messed up and unfortunately, because you're into her, you (and your insurance company) are gonna pay the price. You the higher price because in the light of day and trust me, there's *always* the light of day, this woman is really using you. You feel you've won a huge coupe--wow, you "got" your therapist. But who's zooming who here? You're getting hosed. She's roping you in with possibilities when the reality is, if you do get involved she could lose her practice and her marriage and custody of her kid, etc. It's a major rat's nest. And it's not your fault at all. You're pushing boundaries because you want what you want. She should not be telling you about her depression. Or how she feels sexually. I think she's torn--she wants you to keep wanting her. She needs you to. You want to want her (it's what you live for) and you want her to feel the same way back (which it sounds like she's doing b/c she's needy) but this is therapy for godsakes and between adults, not two 22 year-olds with nothing at stake. Someone needs to get real and, again, I think this woman is proving not healthy enough to do so.
All you can see is excitement and sexual energy but it's pretty wrong what's going on. And not wrong on your end--this is her's to own. She's being unethical.
Re your sensitivity to the t-word (transference.) I used to think that the attraction with my therapist was all about this "energy between us" that had nothing to do with therapy. Same language--had we met elsewhere, across a crowded room, etc. we would have gotten it on, etc. I also said it had nothing to do with transference and was defensive about it. Fast forward six months: there was nothing *but* transference there. You cannot tell one way or another--you're too deep into it. That's why they rule out romantic relationships between client and therapist--it's too difficult to separate the therapy from the non-therapy stuff.
Sorry Crushed, but this is what I think of the situation at this point.
> On a separate note, she told me she gets depressed sometimes still (I asked). I told her I wanted to take care of her, to comfort her. (She had tears in her eyes and she looked so beautiful, and sad.) She asked me how I wanted to do that. I couldn't tell her (I was too embarrassed), but I wanted to hold her in my arms. Why am I too embarrassed to tell her that? It seems silly.
poster:Rigby
thread:311914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/312187.html