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Re: a thought about rage... » Speaker

Posted by Penny on February 2, 2004, at 19:09:43

In reply to Therapy is too hard!, posted by Speaker on February 2, 2004, at 18:11:13

When I was seeing my first therapist, it was obvious (to her) that I was suppressing a great deal of intense anger. Suppressing it, ignoring it, and turning it inward - it manifested itself through my compulsive overeating and severe depression. It still does.

But, what got me started on the path to try to connect with that anger, express it in a healthy manner, and begin to let it go, was the day that she pointed out to me that I could be angry without losing control.

You're right - therapy is not easy - and that is even more true when we are working on things that are extremely difficult for us. But the fact that you *haven't* given up means that you are growing stronger, don't you think?

In my family, there was a great deal of what I called 'anger' expressed every day. There weren't many days that passed that my father wasn't yelling at someone or I wasn't losing my temper or ending up with hurt feelings or in tears, or hurting someone else's feelings (never my dad's, as I don't know that he really had feelings...). It was so disturbing, being on the receiving end of what I called my dad's 'anger' that when I left home I did everything I could to never express any anger whatsoever, whether justified or not.

But what my therapist pointed out to me was that expressing anger, especially justified anger, about some situation or someone's action didn't have to mean 'blowing my top' or, as I said, losing control - losing my temper. It didn't have to be violent. Mature adult people can, when they have learned to connect with their anger in a healthy way, express anger in a healthy way. It doesn't have to be scary, she said.

I had never thought about it that way - I always thought that anger had to equal violence and abusive behavior - whether physical or emotional. But it doesn't.

Now, I'm still, several years later, trying to learn to express my anger, when it's justified and appropriate, in a healthy way, and I am SO not there yet. I'm now with a new therapist (due to my moving) and we haven't even touched on that - I still avoid situations that make me angry, and often refuse to acknowledge anger when I am feeling it. Or I don't recognize it at first as anger. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I think that it is one that will help me overcome my depression ultimately.

Do you think, perhaps, that you have connected anger with something to be feared?

P


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poster:Penny thread:308630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308643.html