Posted by Racer on February 1, 2004, at 21:03:34
In reply to Re: Rant in Response to All (very long) » Racer, posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 16:21:13
> The thing is, that we, as clients, tend to see the relationship for more than it really is. Or am I wrong?? Or am I the only one? Is there something wrong with me??
>You know, I was thinking about this after my long post, and here's what I wanted to get across and I think didn't:
That the therapeutic relationship has defined limits does not make it less *real* than any other relationship. Those boundaries make it different, but not less real. It is still a real relationship in every sense, but one of the limits is that most of the flow goes in one direction. That is, we open up to them, we talk about our pains and our gains, and they validate those pains and gains, but do not offer up their own.
> So, I try to counter that with aloofness during sessions. And I think that perhaps he tries to counter my aloofness with his openness (???? possibly, maybe). So, it's a constant struggle. A tug-of-war of sorts. I continually keep him at arms length because I feel I have more invested in this relationship than he ever will, so I have so much more to lose than he does. All he has to lose is my beautiful face, my charm, and a paycheck of course. I have my sanity at stake. That's a pretty big risk to be putting in the hands of someone I've only known for a short amount of time.
>Absolutely. This is the Carousel of Trust I've been on with my pdoc for some time. Of course, I'm much more Complex than you could ever be, so mine's much more complicated than just the attachment. [blows on nails, buffs nails on lapel] Seriously, I have just started trying to deal with my trust issues regarding the pdoc this past week and it's really, really hard. I finally managed, after a special session with the T, to tell pdoc (why do I keep trying to type pdiddy?) that I mistrusted him. Nearly cried, nearly wet my pants in terror. It's a big issue, because T or PD, we're putting ourselves at risk. In fact, we are putting our SELVES at risk. That takes a leap of faith, and it takes a lot of courage.
>
> I do have a question though... Why not tell a client their age? I asked Bubba his age, but only because he kept mentioning that we were close in age, yet I'm so bad at guessing ages I finally said, "I can't tell if you're 25 or 40. How old are you?" What's the harm in answering if asked?
>
>OK, I cut out the manipulation part, for a couple of reasons, but I'll take this one on. It's another one about my pdoc, though not my T: my pdoc looks about 12. I know he can't be, know when he graduated from med school, but he looks very young. I've overheard conversations about him at the clinic, other employees giggling together about him, and one saying to another, "{{giggle}} you'd never believe it, but he's not nearly as young as he looks..." When I said something about thinking he was "significantly younger" than I, he looked at my age on the chart, and said, "um...no." (Wha?? You're insignificantly younger? Infinitessimally younger? You can't imagine ever having to admit to being as ancient as I am? Wha?)
That said, I don't necessarily think that knowing the answer to a question like that would be damaging. I just think that reviewing your reasons for asking the question in the first place can be of more long term value. (And I wanna know so much how old my pdoc is, you just don't know. Problem is, I know why I really want to know, and it goes back to the fantasy thing, and since I know that the fantasy is only a fantasy, that he will never in this universe lay an erotic hand on me, I really don't need to know the answer. See what I mean? I know why I want to know, and that helps me see that not knowing is OK -- especially since it gives me so much more flexibility in creating fantasy situations... yummmy!)
>Now for the short version of my manipulation rant: manipulate -- it only means to shape by hand. Shaping by hand can mean craftsmanship, artistry, many good things. There's a negative connotation attached to the word, but try to look at what it means constructively: you're trying to shape the world into what you need it to be. Whether that need is real or perceived, you are trying to improve your ability to function within your world. The point of being aware of manipulation is to learn to see when you're being constructive and when you're not, so that you can shape your world for your longer term benefit.
There. Good luck, and another Rant will be along soon, no doubt... (Since this isn't out loud, it can't really be called "verbal diarrhea," can it?)
poster:Racer
thread:308062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308318.html