Posted by Dinah on February 1, 2004, at 9:11:53
Or at least he dodges a direct answer, although he might answer me as far as discussing my question. I *never* ask him personal questions beyond those that one might ask a friendly aquaintance, or to follow up on his own disclosures. But if I ask what it is he just wrote (because he doesn't usually write much), he doesn't always answer directly. There are times that I have pressed the matter, and he has read it. He sometimes won't tell me what he thinks about something (such as EMDR).
I don't feel a lack of trust with him for failing to disclose those things. I might be frustrated or even angry. And if I were asking him personal things, things that were *his*, I would never dream of feeling less trust if he didn't answer. There are things he asks me that I might refuse to answer, fully disclosing to him my refusal, because they are *mine*, to me. He's not entitled to know every thing about me, nor am I entitled to know everything about him.
I never ever think it's wrong to ask your therapist anything, and I never think it's wrong to want anything from your therapist, and I never think it's wrong to feel whatever you feel towards any of your therapist's behaviors.
But I'm beginning to feel a bit concerned with the lack of boundaries on therapists' part. Isn't it also trust inspiring to know that your therapist knows what is *his* and what is *yours* and honors both himself and you enough to maintain his privacy and dignity?
Did Clinton answering the boxers vs. briefs question really inspire trust?
When our son asks how much money we make, we answer that we make enough money to take care of him properly. That's all he needs to know. To know more is to put grown up things on his shoulders. And I think there is something trustworthy about a therapist who can do the same. Who can realize that there are things that we may want to know, but that might burden us if we knew. Even if it's not positive they'd burden us, even if we don't think they'd burden us, if it's possible they'd burden us, it's their job to have the strength to refuse to answer.
Of course, I come from a family that disclosed everything from salary to money troubles to sexual troubles to just about everything else. So I see my therapist's strong sense of self and protection of self as a very safety producing thing.
I dunno.... I'm just growing a bit concerned.
poster:Dinah
thread:308062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308062.html