Posted by naiad on January 21, 2004, at 4:18:05
In reply to Re: So why have I stayed? » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on January 20, 2004, at 23:29:35
Hi Dinah,
I am much more likely to end relationships prematurely than to stay long term. Throughout my childhood and into my adlut life I have moved across the country every +/- five years (corporate stuff). My friendships are always interrupted and I haven't made the effort to stay connected once I have moved. However, I have been married for 22 years, so I guess that qualifies as a long term relationship. I have been with my therpaist for almost 10 months (a mere speck of sand compared with your longevity!) but can foresee a long term relationship with him, that is if the finances stay secure.
A question about your therapist -- Do you like him? I mean I know you like him and think he is terrific but can you remember back to your initial reaction to his personality? Is he warm, or chilly, does his syntax strike you in a particular way, etc. ? Just wondering if there is a basic personality attraction or if your attachment is based on his behavior/professional style.
It struck me that it took five years of discomfort before you really trusted him. I find it amazing that you would stick with him that long before bonding. So why did you stay? My speculation is that you were so depressed in the beginning that you knew you had to seek treatment. Sounds like it was a life preservation decision. Then slowly you realized you trusted him. HUGE! Once you trust someone there is an attachment that enables relationship and connection. Your therpaist provided the environment where you could experience those feelings in safety.
This, of course, is just my musings on your thought provoking post.
You aren't thinking of terminating, are you??? My recollection is that you will NEVER terminate. Sounds like a good plan to me.
poster:naiad
thread:303503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/303587.html