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Swimming with the whales Still Hurting

Posted by crushedout on January 4, 2004, at 11:18:47

In reply to Re: OK, what do you all think of this???, posted by Still Hurting on January 4, 2004, at 3:48:06

Still Hurting,

No, I'm not imagining it. Until recently, I thought I was imagining that maybe she liked me, too, and now I think maybe I see that it was real. I mean, on some level, she clearly must have "feelings" for me, even though I doubt they are as intense as mine for her (although who the heck knows?).

You may be right that I'm in deep crap. Did you read my follow up, when I talked to her about all this?

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/295149.html

That gives me some hope that we can work through this. But I think you're right that I need more information. She said she was "enjoying" my romantic feelings toward her, but exactly how much was she enjoying it? I mean, if she really has any romantic feelings toward me, I think that could interfere with her objectivity as my therapist, and might make it hard for me to tell her everything the way I'm supposed to. For example, now I want to bring in some pictures to show her, and in order to do that we'd have to sit on the couch together, but I'm afraid she would think I was hitting on her if I asked her to sit next to me. Or that maybe the attraction would be too strong for us to be that physically close. I dunno. I shouldn't have to be thinking about stuff like this, though.

I kind of also want to ask her what's going on in her personal life that she became so invested in my feelings for her? I know she probably shouldn't tell me, but I mean, it seems like she must not be getting the kind of appreciation and love she needs from her husband if my feelings toward her became so important to her that she avoided dealing with them. What do you think?

I really like your idea that if I really love and care about her, I should not want her to lose her job. That may be something I can hold onto to let go of this fantasy of mine. That way I can think of myself as some kind of selfless hero in this whole mess: love transcending my selfish lustful desires, blah blah blah. No, really, I like it.

Thank you so much for your post.

crushed


> Wow crushedout,
> please tell me you are imagining all this? I remember telling my therapist that when sessions were all about our relationship and not about my issues, that's when I knew we were in trouble.
>
> And boy, you sound as if you are swimming with the whales. You are in deep crap.
>
> Truthfully, what was going through your therapist's mind to give you a cd with love lyrics on it? Secondly, why would she tell you that she finds you attractive. Those two actions played into your transference.
>
> See there's nothing wrong with transference, but the one in authority has to be strong. Obviously for whatever reason she is not strong.
>
> Straight up ask her if she feels strong enough to deal with your transference. If she doesn't then let her go. If she does, then both of you refirm your boundaries.
>
> I loved my therapist too. Yet my love for her didn't want to see her lose her job. And this drama sounds as though it's heading in that direction.
>
> I wanted to kiss her, hold her, etc. But she had to be strong when I wasn't. Your's isn't.
> Crossing professional boundaries happens all the time. Just don't embarrass her if she is weak.
>
> It is time you guys really talk. Talk while you can. There may come a time when talking is out and you appear for therapy and she's eradicated you as her client. Then you would really be hurt. Talk now!!
>
> I know you want her to love you. But unfortunately as clients we can't have both. See what she wants. Then go from there.
>
> Unfortunately boundaries in your therapeutic relationship seem so far broken that I don't know if you can ever repair them and remain her client.


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:crushedout thread:294830
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/296322.html