Posted by DaisyM on December 23, 2003, at 13:41:23
In reply to Re: I'm still here. (long) » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 11:42:18
I tend to think along the lines of "the past" vs. my current relationship. It is like they are two completely different people. For me, I've always known, just kept it buried because "It wasn't that bad and I got over it." I've NEVER talked about it, I hardly believe I've started now. Including posting here, though not in detail. As it unfolds though, I find I've repressed so much more than I thought. After any discussion that includes details I usually tail spin into feeling like a very young needy child -- and I hate that!
I'm getting better at anticipating this, however. One week was unbelievably hard, the first week I said most of it out loud. The day after that session, I called in a panic and my Therapist had me come back "just for support" and we basically just sat together. I just needed to know that he wasn't so horrified that he would stop seeing me, or that he wouldn't tell anyone else. (Ok, so it wasn't rational thought!) I had another session 2 days later and then a long phone consult the day after that one. I think you should just plan to have the support even if you "want" to fall apart at home instead of in his office.
I have a very complicated, stressful life (who doesn't?). We flip from dealing with all the current issues to talking about the impact of the past...and then back again. I get frustrated because I have enough to deal with without these pressing memories. In fact, I went into therapy to get help for stress and decreased coping skills. I had absolutely no intention of letting any of this out. Now, I keep wondering why I am torturing myself by delving into these memories but the truth is I don't have control of them. For whatever reason, "they" are asserting themselves now. I guess I *finally* have a safe place to deal with them.
I have a thought that is a little out there so feel free to ignore it but...
Can you compare and contrast your Therapist with your dad, here, in writing to me? It might be a way to start the description.
poster:DaisyM
thread:292631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/292831.html