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Re: Intelligence

Posted by TF on December 23, 2003, at 11:18:46

In reply to Re: Intelligence » TF, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 10:54:14

Well, the thing with that guy (he's actually my brother that I live with, so this makes it much worse. Otherwise i'd have less trouble coping with my loss of intelligence.) is that he used to be the dumbest person I know and (probably unwisely on my part) the benchmark for my self esteem. He actually only did that movie thing once... but it's stuck with me and I regret not being able to say what I should have said. Now that he's getting into all this poetry and philosophy it's really annoying me. Especially now that I'm unable to converse about it, or say anything insightful. This sucks, because verbal communication/comprehension used to be the only area where I really shined. Now I'd say it's my worst type of intellgence, except maybe when I'm writing about how screwed up I am, and even then I'm just rambling and random. I have extreme difficulties reading and comprehending as well and as quickly as I used to. At least when it comes to things I'm interested in.

I used to be witty... Now I'm very slow and unclever. I've been going nuts trying to figure out what's causing all of these problems and have gone to some weird places. I think I have some kind of infectious disease, maybe a sinus infection that spread to my brain or lyme disease... For the past few months I've gotten the smell of puss in my nose whenever I blow out, and that's really freaking me out. The main problem here is that I don't have insurance or money to pay for the tests to figure out what's wrong with me. I guess I could go to school fulltime and get on my father's insurance, or get a job with insurance, but that's tough enough as it was before all this started happening. Thinking about the future really freaks me out when I look back on the past year and see the rate of mental decay I've had so far.

I've always had few, if any, friends. The fact that I relied on my own mind for company makes things worse now that it's been quiet for so long. The few friends that I did have were all borderline geniuses, so they got a bit weirded out by my ranting about my condition. Then, when my dullness started to show in conversation, I guess they began to think that they'd befriended someone that was already a dull idiot. I'm just not sure if they thought that all along or if it was something they just decided as it happened. Either that or they were just tired of hearing me badmouth myself, which would probably be more likely.

You gave some good advice, so thank you for the effort. I'm not entirely convinced that my problems are psychological, however. The only real psychological problem I think I have is coping with all of these changes and trying to respect myself.


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poster:TF thread:292216
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